Oh Jesus, I long simply to be with You. Help me to fight distraction. I want to pour all of my energy into seeking and knowing You. It can be hard to see in the here and now, but it is far better for me to risk everything to be in Your presence than to sustain comfort and view you from a distance. To rest in You, oh Lord...show me the depth of Your love.
"But as for me, it is good to be near God.
I have made the Sovereign LORD my refuge;
I will tell of all your deeds."
~Psalm 73:28
"One thing, one thing
This is what I desire, this is what I desire
Sweet illumination, sweet illumination
That I may gaze upon His face
Oh, to know this man
Sweet illumination, sweet illumination
To glory in the presence of the King
Behold the sweet essence of this one thing
That I may know the Spring within me
The Spring, so sweet
That I may gaze upon His face
Oh, to know this man
Sweet illumination, sweet illumination
To glory in the presence of the King
Behold the sweet essence of this one thing
That I may know the Spring within me
As it rises the Spring, so sweet"
~Sweet Illumination, Shane and Shane
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
A Thought
Sometimes it takes me awhile to connect the dots. Ah well, I'm just glad when I actually do. :P
I was listening to this song today...repeatedly. I love how it sounds (what can I say, I'm a sucker for male duets...something about the blending of the two voices just gives me shivers), but the third or fourth time through I really began listening to the words.
As I thought about what it means to know that God has got my heart in His hands, I remember thinking to myself, 'What's the worst that can happen when God's holding me?'
And then I realized that when I live life in sync with Jesus there is no 'worst.' There might be difficult times, pain, suffering, but how bad is it really when 'the hands that hold the world are holding your heart'?
Anything I'm going through now is temporary, and as Paul said, nothing compared to the glory that awaits on the other side. In fact, if going through this life is what I have to do to reach Jesus at the end, it's definitely worth it.
It's nice to know that there isn't a 'worst.' :o)
"To the one who's dreams are falling all apart
And all you're left with is a tired and broken heart
I can tell by your eyes you think your on your own
but you're not all alone
Have you heard of the One who can calm the raging seas
Give sight to the blind, pull the lame up to their feet
With a love so strong He'll never let you go
No you're not alone
You will be safe in His arms
You will be safe in His arms
'Cause the hands that hold the world are holding your heart
This is the promise He made
He will be with You always
When everything is falling apart
You will be safe in His arms
Did you know that the voice that brings the dead to life
Is the very same voice that calls you to rise
So hear Him now He's calling you home
You will never be alone
You will be safe in His arms
You will be safe in His arms
'Cause the hands that hold the world are holding your heart
This is the promise He made
He will be with You always
When everything is falling apart
You will be safe in His arms
These are the hands that built the mountains
the hands that calm the seas
These are the arms that hold the heavens
they are holding you and me
These are hands that healed the leper
Pulled the lame up to their feet
These are the arms that were nailed to a cross
to break our chains and set us free
You will be safe in His arms
You will be safe in His arms
'Cause the hands that hold the world are holding your heart
This is the promise He made
He will be with You always
When everything is falling apart
You will be safe in His arms"
~Safe by Phil Wickham feat. Bart Millard
I was listening to this song today...repeatedly. I love how it sounds (what can I say, I'm a sucker for male duets...something about the blending of the two voices just gives me shivers), but the third or fourth time through I really began listening to the words.
As I thought about what it means to know that God has got my heart in His hands, I remember thinking to myself, 'What's the worst that can happen when God's holding me?'
And then I realized that when I live life in sync with Jesus there is no 'worst.' There might be difficult times, pain, suffering, but how bad is it really when 'the hands that hold the world are holding your heart'?
Anything I'm going through now is temporary, and as Paul said, nothing compared to the glory that awaits on the other side. In fact, if going through this life is what I have to do to reach Jesus at the end, it's definitely worth it.
It's nice to know that there isn't a 'worst.' :o)
"To the one who's dreams are falling all apart
And all you're left with is a tired and broken heart
I can tell by your eyes you think your on your own
but you're not all alone
Have you heard of the One who can calm the raging seas
Give sight to the blind, pull the lame up to their feet
With a love so strong He'll never let you go
No you're not alone
You will be safe in His arms
You will be safe in His arms
'Cause the hands that hold the world are holding your heart
This is the promise He made
He will be with You always
When everything is falling apart
You will be safe in His arms
Did you know that the voice that brings the dead to life
Is the very same voice that calls you to rise
So hear Him now He's calling you home
You will never be alone
You will be safe in His arms
You will be safe in His arms
'Cause the hands that hold the world are holding your heart
This is the promise He made
He will be with You always
When everything is falling apart
You will be safe in His arms
These are the hands that built the mountains
the hands that calm the seas
These are the arms that hold the heavens
they are holding you and me
These are hands that healed the leper
Pulled the lame up to their feet
These are the arms that were nailed to a cross
to break our chains and set us free
You will be safe in His arms
You will be safe in His arms
'Cause the hands that hold the world are holding your heart
This is the promise He made
He will be with You always
When everything is falling apart
You will be safe in His arms"
~Safe by Phil Wickham feat. Bart Millard
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Of David Crowder and God's Love
So...I've been on a bit of a David Crowder kick lately. It's refreshing to come back to music I haven't listened to in awhile. :o)
This week I have been so burdened with the enormous weight of how many people do not know the Lord. I notice that when I'm the most stressed/busy/overwhelmed/etc. I have a stronger sensitivity to those people out there that are just as stressed/busy/overwhelmed/etc. who don't have the Lord to lift them up and carry them through.
It's also when I feel that urging from the Spirit that I want my light to shine brightest. Complainers are a dime a dozen, but isn't it always the people who handle the difficult times with integrity, calmness and hope that we remember most?
Oh Jesus, I want to be set apart for Your glory. Show me how I can best affect those around me. There are millions of people who desperately need Your saving grace, hope, joy, and peace. God, help me to demonstrate to others what true Life is. I don't want to look like the world...I want to look like You.
"Are we left here on our own?
Can you feel when your last breath is gone?
Night is weighing heavy now
Be quiet and wait for a voice that will say
Come awake, from sleep arise
You were dead, become alive
Wake up, wake up, open your eyes
Climb from your grave into the light
Bring us back to life
You are not the only one who feels like the only one
Night soon will be lifted, friend
Just be quiet and wait for a voice that will say
Rise, rise, to life, to life
Shine
Light will shine
Love will rise
Light will shine, shine, shine, shine
He’s shining on us now"
~Come Awake by the David Crowder Band
This week I have been so burdened with the enormous weight of how many people do not know the Lord. I notice that when I'm the most stressed/busy/overwhelmed/etc. I have a stronger sensitivity to those people out there that are just as stressed/busy/overwhelmed/etc. who don't have the Lord to lift them up and carry them through.
It's also when I feel that urging from the Spirit that I want my light to shine brightest. Complainers are a dime a dozen, but isn't it always the people who handle the difficult times with integrity, calmness and hope that we remember most?
Oh Jesus, I want to be set apart for Your glory. Show me how I can best affect those around me. There are millions of people who desperately need Your saving grace, hope, joy, and peace. God, help me to demonstrate to others what true Life is. I don't want to look like the world...I want to look like You.
"Are we left here on our own?
Can you feel when your last breath is gone?
Night is weighing heavy now
Be quiet and wait for a voice that will say
Come awake, from sleep arise
You were dead, become alive
Wake up, wake up, open your eyes
Climb from your grave into the light
Bring us back to life
You are not the only one who feels like the only one
Night soon will be lifted, friend
Just be quiet and wait for a voice that will say
Rise, rise, to life, to life
Shine
Light will shine
Love will rise
Light will shine, shine, shine, shine
He’s shining on us now"
~Come Awake by the David Crowder Band
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Come and Listen
"Come and listen, come to the water's edge, all you who know and fear the Lord.
Come and listen, come to the water's edge all you who are thirsty, come.
Let me tell you what He has done for me.
Let me tell you what He has done for me,
He has done for you,
He has done for us.
Come and listen,
come and listen to what He's done.
Come and listen,
come and listen to what He's done.
Praise our God for He is good.
Praise our God for He is good.
Praise our God for He is good.
Praise our God for He is good.
He has done for me,
He has done for you,
He has done for us.
Come and listen,
come and listen to what He's done.
Come and listen,
come and listen to what He's done."
~Come and Listen by the David Crowder Band
Oh Jesus...all You have done for me. Even if all you ever did was save me for eternity, it would be far more than enough. How good You are to be involved in my day to day life, with the seemingly mundane. I have nothing but humble praise to offer and yet, that is all you ask of me. Awestruck.
Come and listen, come to the water's edge all you who are thirsty, come.
Let me tell you what He has done for me.
Let me tell you what He has done for me,
He has done for you,
He has done for us.
Come and listen,
come and listen to what He's done.
Come and listen,
come and listen to what He's done.
Praise our God for He is good.
Praise our God for He is good.
Praise our God for He is good.
Praise our God for He is good.
He has done for me,
He has done for you,
He has done for us.
Come and listen,
come and listen to what He's done.
Come and listen,
come and listen to what He's done."
~Come and Listen by the David Crowder Band
Oh Jesus...all You have done for me. Even if all you ever did was save me for eternity, it would be far more than enough. How good You are to be involved in my day to day life, with the seemingly mundane. I have nothing but humble praise to offer and yet, that is all you ask of me. Awestruck.
Monday, August 10, 2009
Too much on my plate...a brain barf cometh
Tonight I have been especially overwhelmed in my brain. There is so much in there and I don't know what to do with it. Well, I do know what to do with it, but conveniently enough, I almost always forget to do it.
I can get so caught up in just thinking sometimes (without ever working out a solution, mind you) that I fail to remember that Someone else knows what's floating around up there as well. And He's more than happy to collect it and help me sort it if I ever decide to let it out.
I am continually amazed at how simple it is to work at knowing God and even more amazed at my reluctance to do it. Am I worried that I won't like His solution to my myriad issues? And does that stem from me not trusting Him to have what's best for me in mind? Probably.
This particular entry really doesn't have a direction to go in...but I was tired of keeping some of my thoughts stuffed in my head. That said, here is a short list of things that have been crowding out my brain cells:
1) I've been spending a lot of time thinking about my life and what I have done with it so far. 8 years ago this month my Grandpa Smith and a guy I went to school with passed away within about 2 weeks of each other. It's an interesting pairing because both deaths cause me to reflect on my life in different ways.
Although I believe Grandpa was taken too soon for me, he lived a full life and loved the Lord with all of his heart. I think about him and what an example he was to me of strong faith. His life inspires me to seek God out in all things and to let Him rule my decisions.
And then I think about Dave and how he was taken from this earth way too soon. And it causes me to think about all the years I have been blessed with since then. In the 8 years that I've had to live that he has not, what have I done? There are many wasted years in there, but I pray that God would use his death to remind me that every day is precious. That every life is precious. That every moment that passes is one that I will never have again. Will I use these moments for God's glory or my own?
2) On a much lighter note, I've been so in awe of worship music lately. Worship music is my favorite style anyway, but a couple of weeks ago I was listening to the radio and I was just overwhelmed by the thought of how much music there is out there that brings glory to God. People have been writing songs about God's greatness, love, mercy, and grace for thousands of years. And we still manage to come up with new songs all the time!
How great is our God that people all over the world, spanning thousands of miles and years, are continually blessed with fresh revelations and inspiration that can only be shared through the gift of music? I may not like all the styles, but that music is an expression of soul-deep change! That music is born of inspiration only given by the Holy Spirit - how cool is that?!
And lastly, on an abrupt note, my head and heart feel much lighter so I thank you for indulging my brain barf (gross, but an appropriate analogy I'm afraid).
Until next time...whenever that may be... :P
I can get so caught up in just thinking sometimes (without ever working out a solution, mind you) that I fail to remember that Someone else knows what's floating around up there as well. And He's more than happy to collect it and help me sort it if I ever decide to let it out.
I am continually amazed at how simple it is to work at knowing God and even more amazed at my reluctance to do it. Am I worried that I won't like His solution to my myriad issues? And does that stem from me not trusting Him to have what's best for me in mind? Probably.
This particular entry really doesn't have a direction to go in...but I was tired of keeping some of my thoughts stuffed in my head. That said, here is a short list of things that have been crowding out my brain cells:
1) I've been spending a lot of time thinking about my life and what I have done with it so far. 8 years ago this month my Grandpa Smith and a guy I went to school with passed away within about 2 weeks of each other. It's an interesting pairing because both deaths cause me to reflect on my life in different ways.
Although I believe Grandpa was taken too soon for me, he lived a full life and loved the Lord with all of his heart. I think about him and what an example he was to me of strong faith. His life inspires me to seek God out in all things and to let Him rule my decisions.
And then I think about Dave and how he was taken from this earth way too soon. And it causes me to think about all the years I have been blessed with since then. In the 8 years that I've had to live that he has not, what have I done? There are many wasted years in there, but I pray that God would use his death to remind me that every day is precious. That every life is precious. That every moment that passes is one that I will never have again. Will I use these moments for God's glory or my own?
2) On a much lighter note, I've been so in awe of worship music lately. Worship music is my favorite style anyway, but a couple of weeks ago I was listening to the radio and I was just overwhelmed by the thought of how much music there is out there that brings glory to God. People have been writing songs about God's greatness, love, mercy, and grace for thousands of years. And we still manage to come up with new songs all the time!
How great is our God that people all over the world, spanning thousands of miles and years, are continually blessed with fresh revelations and inspiration that can only be shared through the gift of music? I may not like all the styles, but that music is an expression of soul-deep change! That music is born of inspiration only given by the Holy Spirit - how cool is that?!
And lastly, on an abrupt note, my head and heart feel much lighter so I thank you for indulging my brain barf (gross, but an appropriate analogy I'm afraid).
Until next time...whenever that may be... :P
Monday, June 1, 2009
Whoops
So this one time I said I'd have more time to write after Easter was over. My bad. :P
Update: I'm CRAZY busy all the time.
And I think I'm going to make chicken quesadillas for dinner tonight.
Update: I'm CRAZY busy all the time.
And I think I'm going to make chicken quesadillas for dinner tonight.
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Intermission
Sorry it's been awhile...I'm crazy busy right now! Between my regular work schedule and church commitments, I've had spring break with the teens (AWESOMESAUCE) and am moving full speed ahead to Easter (He is risen indeed!). After this weekend my schedule will pretty much come to a dead stop and I can start rambling again in my typically unfocused manner.
Until then...enjoy the intermission. :o)
Until then...enjoy the intermission. :o)
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
St. Patrick's Breastplate Prayer
I arise today
Through a mighty strength, the invocation of the Trinity,
Through the belief in the threeness,
Through the confession of the oneness
Of the Creator of Creation.
I arise today
Through the strength of Christ's birth with his baptism,
Through the strength of his crucifixion with his burial,
Through the strength of his resurrection with his ascension,
Through the strength of his descent for the Judgment Day.
I arise today
Through the strength of the love of Cherubim,
In obedience of angels,
In the service of archangels,
In hope of resurrection to meet with reward,
In prayers of patriarchs,
In predictions of prophets,
In preaching of apostles,
In faith of confessors,
In innocence of holy virgins,
In deeds of righteous men.
I arise today
Through the strength of heaven:
Light of sun,
Radiance of moon,
Splendor of fire,
Speed of lightning,
Swiftness of wind,
Depth of sea,
Stability of earth,
Firmness of rock.
I arise today
Through God's strength to pilot me:
God's might to uphold me,
God's wisdom to guide me,
God's eye to look before me,
God's ear to hear me,
God's word to speak for me,
God's hand to guard me,
God's way to lie before me,
God's shield to protect me,
God's host to save me
From snares of demons,
From temptations of vices,
From everyone who shall wish me ill,
Afar and anear,
Alone and in multitude.
I summon today all these powers between me and those evils,
Against every cruel merciless power that may oppose my body and soul,
Against incantations of false prophets,
Against black laws of pagandom
Against false laws of heretics,
Against craft of idolatry,
Against spells of witches and smiths and wizards,
Against every knowledge that corrupts man's body and soul.
Christ to shield me today
Against poison, against burning,
Against drowning, against wounding,
So that there may come to me abundance of reward.
Christ with me, Christ before me, Christ behind me,
Christ in me, Christ beneath me, Christ above me,
Christ on my right, Christ on my left,
Christ when I lie down, Christ when I sit down, Christ when I arise,
Christ in the heart of every man who thinks of me,
Christ in the mouth of everyone who speaks of me,
Christ in every eye that sees me,
Christ in every ear that hears me.
I arise today
Through a mighty strength, the invocation of the Trinity,
Through belief in the threeness,
Through confession of the oneness,
Of the Creator of Creation.
Through a mighty strength, the invocation of the Trinity,
Through the belief in the threeness,
Through the confession of the oneness
Of the Creator of Creation.
I arise today
Through the strength of Christ's birth with his baptism,
Through the strength of his crucifixion with his burial,
Through the strength of his resurrection with his ascension,
Through the strength of his descent for the Judgment Day.
I arise today
Through the strength of the love of Cherubim,
In obedience of angels,
In the service of archangels,
In hope of resurrection to meet with reward,
In prayers of patriarchs,
In predictions of prophets,
In preaching of apostles,
In faith of confessors,
In innocence of holy virgins,
In deeds of righteous men.
I arise today
Through the strength of heaven:
Light of sun,
Radiance of moon,
Splendor of fire,
Speed of lightning,
Swiftness of wind,
Depth of sea,
Stability of earth,
Firmness of rock.
I arise today
Through God's strength to pilot me:
God's might to uphold me,
God's wisdom to guide me,
God's eye to look before me,
God's ear to hear me,
God's word to speak for me,
God's hand to guard me,
God's way to lie before me,
God's shield to protect me,
God's host to save me
From snares of demons,
From temptations of vices,
From everyone who shall wish me ill,
Afar and anear,
Alone and in multitude.
I summon today all these powers between me and those evils,
Against every cruel merciless power that may oppose my body and soul,
Against incantations of false prophets,
Against black laws of pagandom
Against false laws of heretics,
Against craft of idolatry,
Against spells of witches and smiths and wizards,
Against every knowledge that corrupts man's body and soul.
Christ to shield me today
Against poison, against burning,
Against drowning, against wounding,
So that there may come to me abundance of reward.
Christ with me, Christ before me, Christ behind me,
Christ in me, Christ beneath me, Christ above me,
Christ on my right, Christ on my left,
Christ when I lie down, Christ when I sit down, Christ when I arise,
Christ in the heart of every man who thinks of me,
Christ in the mouth of everyone who speaks of me,
Christ in every eye that sees me,
Christ in every ear that hears me.
I arise today
Through a mighty strength, the invocation of the Trinity,
Through belief in the threeness,
Through confession of the oneness,
Of the Creator of Creation.
Monday, March 16, 2009
My Deliverer
"The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer;
my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge.
He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold."
~Psalm 18:2
I will wait for You to move
For Your mighty hand to save
When the troubled waters rise
You are my hiding place
You are my hiding place
You walls are salvation
Your gates are praise
My Deliverer
My Deliverer
My Deliverer
Is the Lord
Who is like You mighty God
Who can take me from Your hand
As I walk with You in freedom
You're the Rock on which I stand
You're the Rock on which I stand
~ 'My Deliverer' by Chris Tomlin
my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge.
He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold."
~Psalm 18:2
I will wait for You to move
For Your mighty hand to save
When the troubled waters rise
You are my hiding place
You are my hiding place
You walls are salvation
Your gates are praise
My Deliverer
My Deliverer
My Deliverer
Is the Lord
Who is like You mighty God
Who can take me from Your hand
As I walk with You in freedom
You're the Rock on which I stand
You're the Rock on which I stand
~ 'My Deliverer' by Chris Tomlin
Monday, March 2, 2009
A little of this, a little of that...
This is going to be kind of all over the place - no real direction with this post. Just some things I've learned or become aware of or thought about in the past few days. :o)
1. Our theme verse for camp during the summer of 2006 was Hebrews 12:2: 'Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.'
To be completely honest, at camp I was so busy trying to remember the motions we created for the verse that I spent very little time thinking about what the verse meant. After I went home, I didn't really think about the verse anymore, period.
About a week ago, this verse came to my attention. I read it, but I still didn't get anything from it or really understand it. However, the line 'who for the joy set before him endured the cross' stuck in my mind. My brain understood what it was saying, but my heart didn't get it. My head said, 'He was able to endure death because He knew He would defeat it and through that, save the world.' But my heart just didn't understand the concept.
I don't think any of us will truly understand Jesus' willingness to sacrifice everything on our behalf, but this past week God really opened up my heart to what it means to lay something aside for the sake of joy. For the sake of something better.
This is a terrible comparison, but He really used to it to speak to me. This past Wednesday was Ash Wednesday, the first day of Lent. I spent some time thinking and praying about what I needed to give up this year, but I just couldn't hone in on anything. But a couple of weeks ago I was really convicted over how much I complain about things and I knew that that was what I was going to work on this year during Lent.
So far it has been going pretty good. I have caught myself starting to complain a few times and at first, I just shut my mouth and quit talking. Then I started steering the conversation in a different direction. Now I've moved towards putting a positive spin on whatever I was going to complain about. Doing this has blessed me so much! Every time (not just most of the time) I've chosen to stay positive in a situation, I have genuinely had a complete change in attitude to where I am grateful for that situation. Knowing myself the way that I do, that is no small feat.
Now, I'm not saying that my giving up complaining (something I shouldn't be doing anyway) is in any way comparable to Christ's sacrifice, but God has used this to help me understand, in a small way, what spurred Him on to complete the task He was sent here to do. I don't know how the Spirit connected the two together so that I would get it, all I know is that He has given me another way to look at Calvary, and that is enough for me.
I remember at my first winter retreat 3 years ago that Fletch told us during communion to ask the Lord to show us the Cross in a new way and with new understanding. I practice this on a regular basis and I love it when He delivers. Sometimes my heart is hardened to what He has to say or I'm just not in the right place to catch a new perspective, but when I'm there and He gives me another glimpse...wow! And that's what He's done for me again this past week - and we're not even 7 days into Lent yet!
Like I said - I don't know how my experience taught me that lesson, but I sure am glad that it did. :o)
2. This past weekend I finished reading 'The Beloved Disciple' by Beth Moore. This book has blessed me so much and I highly recommend that everyone read it.
I have a hard time with Christian non-fiction sometimes. Many, many authors have given me new insight into the faith that I don't think I would have gotten otherwise. But. Many times, for me anyway, I get sucked into what they have to say and forget that they are trying to point me to God. Beth Moore's writing is a breath of fresh air as far as that is concerned. Her passion for Scripture and her desire that everyone come to an intimate relationship with Jesus are contagious! It was so refreshing to read a book that inspired me to dig deeper into the Word. When I would put her book down I would immediately search for my Bible. It's like sitting with a good friend who calls you up because they just learned the most exciting thing in their quiet time that morning and you can't help but rejoice with them and then go off and read it for yourself. :o)
The whole point of my Beth Moore gush fest is that I discovered something about myself towards the end of the book that I feel is very important.
Since the book is about John, Jesus' disciple, Beth goes through each of his books, the last being, of course, the book of Revelation. I will admit it - I get so flippin' excited when it comes to anything having to do with the end of times. I LOVE thinking about when Jesus comes back - it really gets me going. So I'm already excited about this portion of the book, but she's really excited too and so I'm reading and I can hardly sit still in my chair. It's so awesome. :o)
Anyway, she starts in on the wedding supper of the Lamb and I'm about falling over with excitement and anticipation. And right there in the middle of work (because that's the only time I really get to read :P ), I get blessed. I'm overwhelmed with the intense and absolutely huge love that Jesus has for not only me, but for the church. Such a clarity washed over me that all I could really do was go, 'Huh.'
Our salvation is a personal decision, but the bride of Christ is the whole church. I think that often times we have a very narrow view on our growth as followers of Christ (I know I do!). Very intrinsic, being so concerned with where we are on our walk that we don't look at the church around us and observe where we are as a whole. And not just our local church family either. How is the ENTIRE church doing? Are we preparing ourselves properly for the wedding supper? I have never felt such an overwhelming burden for the church as I did this weekend, and it continues today. I encourage all of you to pray hard for the church - for its growth and for its preparation for a day that is soon coming.
3. And last! I wasn't really expecting to write this much, but that's okay. :o)
Kind of going along with my last bit, I have also felt a very heavy burden for the lost this week. At the end of choir practice on Sunday we spent some time in prayer over the production and the message we are presenting. We also prayed for those who are coming to see the show, that the Lord would work in their hearts.
During our prayer time a line from one of the songs in the show kept running through my head (well, it's also in Scripture too :P ).
'One day every knee shall bow, one day every tongue confess that Jesus is Lord.'
The arrangement of this song that we sing is rather upbeat and, I believe, meant to be joyous. This is my 4th time doing this production and every time I sing this song I get so excited. I get excited thinking about, once again, Jesus coming back and everyone acknowledging his Lordship and sovereignty.
But as we were praying this past Sunday, that line hit me anew and it was incredibly unpleasant. All I could think was that for so many people on that day, they may bow down and they may confess what many of us know to be true, but it will be too late for them.
Wow.
My heart is so heavy with that thought. That a song that is so joyful could be so devastating to anyone who has put off making that eternal decision. I truly do not have words for the sorrow that it brings to the very depths of me. So I also encourage you to pray hard, hard, hard for a lost world. I can't even bear to think of a single person spending eternity in separation from God.
"You are worthy, our Lord and God,
to receive glory and honor and power,
for you created all things,
and by your will they were created
and have their being."
~Revelation 4:11
1. Our theme verse for camp during the summer of 2006 was Hebrews 12:2: 'Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.'
To be completely honest, at camp I was so busy trying to remember the motions we created for the verse that I spent very little time thinking about what the verse meant. After I went home, I didn't really think about the verse anymore, period.
About a week ago, this verse came to my attention. I read it, but I still didn't get anything from it or really understand it. However, the line 'who for the joy set before him endured the cross' stuck in my mind. My brain understood what it was saying, but my heart didn't get it. My head said, 'He was able to endure death because He knew He would defeat it and through that, save the world.' But my heart just didn't understand the concept.
I don't think any of us will truly understand Jesus' willingness to sacrifice everything on our behalf, but this past week God really opened up my heart to what it means to lay something aside for the sake of joy. For the sake of something better.
This is a terrible comparison, but He really used to it to speak to me. This past Wednesday was Ash Wednesday, the first day of Lent. I spent some time thinking and praying about what I needed to give up this year, but I just couldn't hone in on anything. But a couple of weeks ago I was really convicted over how much I complain about things and I knew that that was what I was going to work on this year during Lent.
So far it has been going pretty good. I have caught myself starting to complain a few times and at first, I just shut my mouth and quit talking. Then I started steering the conversation in a different direction. Now I've moved towards putting a positive spin on whatever I was going to complain about. Doing this has blessed me so much! Every time (not just most of the time) I've chosen to stay positive in a situation, I have genuinely had a complete change in attitude to where I am grateful for that situation. Knowing myself the way that I do, that is no small feat.
Now, I'm not saying that my giving up complaining (something I shouldn't be doing anyway) is in any way comparable to Christ's sacrifice, but God has used this to help me understand, in a small way, what spurred Him on to complete the task He was sent here to do. I don't know how the Spirit connected the two together so that I would get it, all I know is that He has given me another way to look at Calvary, and that is enough for me.
I remember at my first winter retreat 3 years ago that Fletch told us during communion to ask the Lord to show us the Cross in a new way and with new understanding. I practice this on a regular basis and I love it when He delivers. Sometimes my heart is hardened to what He has to say or I'm just not in the right place to catch a new perspective, but when I'm there and He gives me another glimpse...wow! And that's what He's done for me again this past week - and we're not even 7 days into Lent yet!
Like I said - I don't know how my experience taught me that lesson, but I sure am glad that it did. :o)
2. This past weekend I finished reading 'The Beloved Disciple' by Beth Moore. This book has blessed me so much and I highly recommend that everyone read it.
I have a hard time with Christian non-fiction sometimes. Many, many authors have given me new insight into the faith that I don't think I would have gotten otherwise. But. Many times, for me anyway, I get sucked into what they have to say and forget that they are trying to point me to God. Beth Moore's writing is a breath of fresh air as far as that is concerned. Her passion for Scripture and her desire that everyone come to an intimate relationship with Jesus are contagious! It was so refreshing to read a book that inspired me to dig deeper into the Word. When I would put her book down I would immediately search for my Bible. It's like sitting with a good friend who calls you up because they just learned the most exciting thing in their quiet time that morning and you can't help but rejoice with them and then go off and read it for yourself. :o)
The whole point of my Beth Moore gush fest is that I discovered something about myself towards the end of the book that I feel is very important.
Since the book is about John, Jesus' disciple, Beth goes through each of his books, the last being, of course, the book of Revelation. I will admit it - I get so flippin' excited when it comes to anything having to do with the end of times. I LOVE thinking about when Jesus comes back - it really gets me going. So I'm already excited about this portion of the book, but she's really excited too and so I'm reading and I can hardly sit still in my chair. It's so awesome. :o)
Anyway, she starts in on the wedding supper of the Lamb and I'm about falling over with excitement and anticipation. And right there in the middle of work (because that's the only time I really get to read :P ), I get blessed. I'm overwhelmed with the intense and absolutely huge love that Jesus has for not only me, but for the church. Such a clarity washed over me that all I could really do was go, 'Huh.'
Our salvation is a personal decision, but the bride of Christ is the whole church. I think that often times we have a very narrow view on our growth as followers of Christ (I know I do!). Very intrinsic, being so concerned with where we are on our walk that we don't look at the church around us and observe where we are as a whole. And not just our local church family either. How is the ENTIRE church doing? Are we preparing ourselves properly for the wedding supper? I have never felt such an overwhelming burden for the church as I did this weekend, and it continues today. I encourage all of you to pray hard for the church - for its growth and for its preparation for a day that is soon coming.
3. And last! I wasn't really expecting to write this much, but that's okay. :o)
Kind of going along with my last bit, I have also felt a very heavy burden for the lost this week. At the end of choir practice on Sunday we spent some time in prayer over the production and the message we are presenting. We also prayed for those who are coming to see the show, that the Lord would work in their hearts.
During our prayer time a line from one of the songs in the show kept running through my head (well, it's also in Scripture too :P ).
'One day every knee shall bow, one day every tongue confess that Jesus is Lord.'
The arrangement of this song that we sing is rather upbeat and, I believe, meant to be joyous. This is my 4th time doing this production and every time I sing this song I get so excited. I get excited thinking about, once again, Jesus coming back and everyone acknowledging his Lordship and sovereignty.
But as we were praying this past Sunday, that line hit me anew and it was incredibly unpleasant. All I could think was that for so many people on that day, they may bow down and they may confess what many of us know to be true, but it will be too late for them.
Wow.
My heart is so heavy with that thought. That a song that is so joyful could be so devastating to anyone who has put off making that eternal decision. I truly do not have words for the sorrow that it brings to the very depths of me. So I also encourage you to pray hard, hard, hard for a lost world. I can't even bear to think of a single person spending eternity in separation from God.
"You are worthy, our Lord and God,
to receive glory and honor and power,
for you created all things,
and by your will they were created
and have their being."
~Revelation 4:11
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Senior Year...Good Times
Fill this out about your Senior Year! The longer ago it was, the more fun the answers will be!! Thought you all who knew me back then might get a laugh out of some memories! Share yours and tag your friends.
1. Did you date someone from your school? Nope - I was a singleton all year - woooo!
2. Did you marry someone from your high school? No...odds are I probably won't either. :P
3. Did you car pool to school? Nopers
4. What kind of car did you have? No car :o(
5. What kind of car do you have now? Chevy Lumina - yay!
6. It's Friday night...your senior year where are you? Probably at a rehearsal for something and if it wasn't that, it was a performance of something.
7. It is Friday night 2009...where are you? Work until mid-evening and then usually hanging out at a friend's place. :o)
8. What kind of job did you have in high school? Eesh...no time for a job! NHS, show choir, play production company, youth group...the list goes on. :P
9. What kind of job do you do now? Front desk at a hotel
10. Were you a party animal? Definitely not - uber goody-goody here.
11. Were you considered a flirt? Hmmm...I think I flirted a lot, but I don't think I was considered a flirt. If that made sense. :P
12. Were you in band, orchestra, or choir? Show choir - woooooooooooooo! <3
13. Were you a nerd? About some things, yes.
14. Did you get suspended or expelled? No way
15. Can you sing the fight song? Most of it, I think...Stand up and cheer! Stand up and cheer for Fenton High for today we raise the orange and black above the sky (two, three, four!). Our boys are fighting something-something win the fray...and I don't remember the rest. :P
16. Who was/were your favorite teacher(s)? I think I liked all of my teachers senior year...yeah...I can't think of one that I didn't like. :o)
17. Where did you sit during lunch? Depended on the day - yay block scheduling. :P
18. What was your school's full name? Fenton High School
19. When did you graduate? 2003
20.What was your school mascot? Tigers!
21. If you could go back and do it again, would you? Hmmm...parts of it maybe...but it went pretty good the first time around. :o)
22. Did you have fun at Prom? I did! I had more fun at junior prom, but senior prom was still good. :o)
23. Do you still talk to the person you went to Prom with? I haven't talked to him in a couple of years which is sad because he's a pretty cool guy.
24. Are you planning on going to your next reunion? Sure? 4 years until the 10 year. :P
25. Do you still talk to people from school? There are one or two that I still keep in contact with. :o)
1. Did you date someone from your school? Nope - I was a singleton all year - woooo!
2. Did you marry someone from your high school? No...odds are I probably won't either. :P
3. Did you car pool to school? Nopers
4. What kind of car did you have? No car :o(
5. What kind of car do you have now? Chevy Lumina - yay!
6. It's Friday night...your senior year where are you? Probably at a rehearsal for something and if it wasn't that, it was a performance of something.
7. It is Friday night 2009...where are you? Work until mid-evening and then usually hanging out at a friend's place. :o)
8. What kind of job did you have in high school? Eesh...no time for a job! NHS, show choir, play production company, youth group...the list goes on. :P
9. What kind of job do you do now? Front desk at a hotel
10. Were you a party animal? Definitely not - uber goody-goody here.
11. Were you considered a flirt? Hmmm...I think I flirted a lot, but I don't think I was considered a flirt. If that made sense. :P
12. Were you in band, orchestra, or choir? Show choir - woooooooooooooo! <3
13. Were you a nerd? About some things, yes.
14. Did you get suspended or expelled? No way
15. Can you sing the fight song? Most of it, I think...Stand up and cheer! Stand up and cheer for Fenton High for today we raise the orange and black above the sky (two, three, four!). Our boys are fighting something-something win the fray...and I don't remember the rest. :P
16. Who was/were your favorite teacher(s)? I think I liked all of my teachers senior year...yeah...I can't think of one that I didn't like. :o)
17. Where did you sit during lunch? Depended on the day - yay block scheduling. :P
18. What was your school's full name? Fenton High School
19. When did you graduate? 2003
20.What was your school mascot? Tigers!
21. If you could go back and do it again, would you? Hmmm...parts of it maybe...but it went pretty good the first time around. :o)
22. Did you have fun at Prom? I did! I had more fun at junior prom, but senior prom was still good. :o)
23. Do you still talk to the person you went to Prom with? I haven't talked to him in a couple of years which is sad because he's a pretty cool guy.
24. Are you planning on going to your next reunion? Sure? 4 years until the 10 year. :P
25. Do you still talk to people from school? There are one or two that I still keep in contact with. :o)
Monday, February 9, 2009
When Ignorance Isn't Bliss
It's time to get cracking on this golf tournament fundraiser for Rwanda and let's just say that Becky didn't know what she was getting herself into!
I had no idea that there were so many details! Okay, so I probably should have assumed there were a lot of details. Gah.
It's fun working on it, but whoa.
So if nobody sees me until August, you'll know why. :P
I had no idea that there were so many details! Okay, so I probably should have assumed there were a lot of details. Gah.
It's fun working on it, but whoa.
So if nobody sees me until August, you'll know why. :P
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Healing
Why since you’ve wounded my heart
Don’t You heal it?
Why don’t You heal?
And why since you’ve stolen my heart,
Do you leave it so?
Oh this heart of stone.
Why don’t you carry away my heart
You have stolen and left here broken
Why don’t you carry away my heart
Already taken
Awaken the dawning of a new heart
Where stone begins to bleed
For the arrow of God that runs through me
Leaves me in need
Here in need
Awaken
How long? How long? How long?
"Wounded" by Shane and Shane
My dear friend Katie has loaned me a Beth Moore book called "The Beloved Disciple." It is about John and how we can read through his story how much Christ loves us, that we are His beloved.
I just finished part one of the book. The first part ends by talking about healing and how God's word brings healing about. As I read the last sentence of part one, even though I am loving this book, I was prompted to just sit for a moment. A thought was forming and I needed to let it develop. So I sat for a bit, the word 'healing' bouncing around in my head.
So often, we view healing as this immensely personal and private thing that ought to only be shared once we've been thoroughly fixed. I definitely believe that parts of our healing are meant to be shared between ourselves and God alone, but I think that often we hesitate in sharing our story because we haven't 'arrived' yet.
In my own life lately, the Spirit has really been impressing on me the importance of living every area of my life as an outward expression of the grace and love that Christ has shown me. Anything that I am and have that is good is only because of the goodness of my God. It is not my own so I shouldn't keep it for myself. As I thought about this in the context of healing I realized that the process is as much a blessing as the end result, especially if I'm living outwardly.
Experiencing healing from a deep hurt in my life is not simply for my own benefit. Healing is a result of pro actively following my Savior on a daily basis. I don't say, "Lord, heal me!" and suddenly my life is peachy. I say, "Lord, heal me!" and He says, "Look to me, child, and I will show you what Love really is." Healing is replacing what we were taught love is with love Himself.
When I think of doctors and that they use things to heal people, I am even more amazed at God's work in my own life. I am astounded by medicine today and just how much we know about the human body, but everything we know is a temporary fix administered by a third party. But there are wounds in our lives that go far beyond the physical and touch us in deeper and more profound ways. When those wounds need healing God says, "Let me apply Myself. The only thing that will ease this pain is...Me." God doesn't give us a prescription - He gives us Himself. If we think going to church on a regular basis, attending four Bible studies and volunteering at a rescue mission every Saturday will bring fulfillment and healing, we've got another think coming. The truth is, apart from Jesus being at the center of our restoration, all of those other things are distractions.
So what does this have to do with living outwardly and inviting others to join our healing process? Remember how I said all the good things in my life are from God? This also goes for the healing that has taken place in my life. When God reveals another glimpse of Himself to me and another part of my heart is restored, I am being transformed bit by bit into the likeness of my Healer. When I choose to close people off to my hurt and consequential healing, I am closing them off to a unique experience with the Lord that they may only ever have if I share my story. How blessed are we to have a God that manifests in myriad ways so that people from all walks of life may know Him.
I encourage all of you to be willing to bleed a little for others - you'll find that even that will become a part of your healing. :o)
Here are a few verses that I turn to when I'm struggling:
20 Although the Lord gives you the bread of adversity and the water of affliction, your teachers will be hidden no more; with your own eyes you will see them. 21 Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, "This is the way; walk in it."
~Isaiah 30:20-21
1 "Come, let us return to the LORD.
He has torn us to pieces
but he will heal us;
he has injured us
but he will bind up our wounds.
19 I remember my affliction and my wandering,
the bitterness and the gall.
How He saved me, how he raised me
How He filled me with the Holy Ghost
How He healed me to the uttermost
When I think about the Lord
How He picked me up and turned me around
How He set my feet, on solid ground
It makes me wanna shout;
"Hallelujah, thank you Jesus,
Lord you're worthy of all the glory
and all the honor, and all the praise!"
"Healed" by Shane and Shane
Don’t You heal it?
Why don’t You heal?
And why since you’ve stolen my heart,
Do you leave it so?
Oh this heart of stone.
Why don’t you carry away my heart
You have stolen and left here broken
Why don’t you carry away my heart
Already taken
Awaken the dawning of a new heart
Where stone begins to bleed
For the arrow of God that runs through me
Leaves me in need
Here in need
Awaken
How long? How long? How long?
"Wounded" by Shane and Shane
My dear friend Katie has loaned me a Beth Moore book called "The Beloved Disciple." It is about John and how we can read through his story how much Christ loves us, that we are His beloved.
I just finished part one of the book. The first part ends by talking about healing and how God's word brings healing about. As I read the last sentence of part one, even though I am loving this book, I was prompted to just sit for a moment. A thought was forming and I needed to let it develop. So I sat for a bit, the word 'healing' bouncing around in my head.
So often, we view healing as this immensely personal and private thing that ought to only be shared once we've been thoroughly fixed. I definitely believe that parts of our healing are meant to be shared between ourselves and God alone, but I think that often we hesitate in sharing our story because we haven't 'arrived' yet.
In my own life lately, the Spirit has really been impressing on me the importance of living every area of my life as an outward expression of the grace and love that Christ has shown me. Anything that I am and have that is good is only because of the goodness of my God. It is not my own so I shouldn't keep it for myself. As I thought about this in the context of healing I realized that the process is as much a blessing as the end result, especially if I'm living outwardly.
Experiencing healing from a deep hurt in my life is not simply for my own benefit. Healing is a result of pro actively following my Savior on a daily basis. I don't say, "Lord, heal me!" and suddenly my life is peachy. I say, "Lord, heal me!" and He says, "Look to me, child, and I will show you what Love really is." Healing is replacing what we were taught love is with love Himself.
When I think of doctors and that they use things to heal people, I am even more amazed at God's work in my own life. I am astounded by medicine today and just how much we know about the human body, but everything we know is a temporary fix administered by a third party. But there are wounds in our lives that go far beyond the physical and touch us in deeper and more profound ways. When those wounds need healing God says, "Let me apply Myself. The only thing that will ease this pain is...Me." God doesn't give us a prescription - He gives us Himself. If we think going to church on a regular basis, attending four Bible studies and volunteering at a rescue mission every Saturday will bring fulfillment and healing, we've got another think coming. The truth is, apart from Jesus being at the center of our restoration, all of those other things are distractions.
So what does this have to do with living outwardly and inviting others to join our healing process? Remember how I said all the good things in my life are from God? This also goes for the healing that has taken place in my life. When God reveals another glimpse of Himself to me and another part of my heart is restored, I am being transformed bit by bit into the likeness of my Healer. When I choose to close people off to my hurt and consequential healing, I am closing them off to a unique experience with the Lord that they may only ever have if I share my story. How blessed are we to have a God that manifests in myriad ways so that people from all walks of life may know Him.
I encourage all of you to be willing to bleed a little for others - you'll find that even that will become a part of your healing. :o)
Here are a few verses that I turn to when I'm struggling:
20 Although the Lord gives you the bread of adversity and the water of affliction, your teachers will be hidden no more; with your own eyes you will see them. 21 Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, "This is the way; walk in it."
~Isaiah 30:20-21
1 "Come, let us return to the LORD.
He has torn us to pieces
but he will heal us;
he has injured us
but he will bind up our wounds.
2 After two days he will revive us;
on the third day he will restore us,
that we may live in his presence.
3 Let us acknowledge the LORD;
let us press on to acknowledge him.
As surely as the sun rises,
he will appear;
he will come to us like the winter rains,
like the spring rains that water the earth."
~Hosea 6:1-3
19 I remember my affliction and my wandering,
the bitterness and the gall.
20 I well remember them,
and my soul is downcast within me.
21 Yet this I call to mind
and therefore I have hope:
22 Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.
23 They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
24 I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion;
therefore I will wait for him."
25 The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him,
to the one who seeks him;
~Lamentations 3:19-25
How He saved me, how he raised me
How He filled me with the Holy Ghost
How He healed me to the uttermost
When I think about the Lord
How He picked me up and turned me around
How He set my feet, on solid ground
It makes me wanna shout;
"Hallelujah, thank you Jesus,
Lord you're worthy of all the glory
and all the honor, and all the praise!"
"Healed" by Shane and Shane
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Relinquishing Control
Take my life from me. What can I do apart from You? Oh God, take my life...take my hopes, my dreams, my desires, my fears, my doubts...take it all and use it for Your glory.
"Use me, break me, waste me on You, Lord
Ruin me, take me, waste me on You
For to die is to live...
To starve is to feast
And less of me is more of Jesus
Lord, I want it all
Lord, I want it all
If I lose my life
I gain everything
And at the cross
Away with all death's sting
Lord, I want it all
Lord, I want it all
There is power in the blood
There is victory in Jesus
Come in power, wash me clean
Overwhelm me with Your presence
There is power in the blood
There is victory in Jesus
Help me glory in the cross
Help me find my gain in loss"
~ "I Want it All" by Shane and Shane
"Use me, break me, waste me on You, Lord
Ruin me, take me, waste me on You
For to die is to live...
To starve is to feast
And less of me is more of Jesus
Lord, I want it all
Lord, I want it all
If I lose my life
I gain everything
And at the cross
Away with all death's sting
Lord, I want it all
Lord, I want it all
There is power in the blood
There is victory in Jesus
Come in power, wash me clean
Overwhelm me with Your presence
There is power in the blood
There is victory in Jesus
Help me glory in the cross
Help me find my gain in loss"
~ "I Want it All" by Shane and Shane
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Anybody have some closet space?
Katie, I think it's time we put our words into action and find ourselves a cozy closet to live in so we can see the world.
If we found a nice walk-in closet we could share it and split the rent!
If we found a nice walk-in closet we could share it and split the rent!
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Monday, January 12, 2009
My Cup Runneth Over
You guide me through the dark
You calm my fearful heart
I will rest in You
You give me perfect peace
You fill my deepest need
I will rest in You
God, shining like the sun
Let Your kingdom come
I want to be with You in Your presence
I'm here to give You praise
You take my breath away
And now I'm here with You in Your presence
Your kindness draws me in
Now I'm with You once again
I will rest in You
Oh God who reigns on high
To You alone I cry
I will rest in You
You are shining, You are shining
Your light surrounds me, Your light has found me
~ "Shining" by Phil Wickham
You calm my fearful heart
I will rest in You
You give me perfect peace
You fill my deepest need
I will rest in You
God, shining like the sun
Let Your kingdom come
I want to be with You in Your presence
I'm here to give You praise
You take my breath away
And now I'm here with You in Your presence
Your kindness draws me in
Now I'm with You once again
I will rest in You
Oh God who reigns on high
To You alone I cry
I will rest in You
You are shining, You are shining
Your light surrounds me, Your light has found me
~ "Shining" by Phil Wickham
Friday, January 9, 2009
There are no words
I have been needing to bring my blog into 2009 and I was hoping that after winter retreat with the teens I'd have the perfect opportunity, seeing as such trips are chock full of spiritually enlightening moments.
Alas.
AMAZING things happened at White Pass this year, many of which took place in my own heart, but I cannot seem to find a way to describe it. And maybe I'm not supposed to be able to, but oh how I wish I could!
All I know is that the Lord Jesus Christ has gripped my life with an unrelenting strength and for the first time ever, I'm not fighting it. Something happened and now I can wholly surrender myself to His care and guidance, where before I was unbalanced with my dedication. It's almost like a switch was flipped while I was away. God bopped me a good one on the side of the head and said, "Duh!"
I can't put my finger on that one, "Aha!" moment, but I'm glad that it happened. It's quite a relief to just give oneself over entirely to the Savior. Much better than picking and choosing which things to bring to the table. And now I have nothing but joy. I feel like I've reached that point in my faith where, yes, I still need the sacrifice of Christ to redeem me of the sins I have committed and the sins that will inevitably meet me along life's path, but I can move into the realm of abiding in Christ. To finally accept the Gift in its fullness and begin living outwardly. I'm done dwelling on my shortcomings and am ready to move on to that which Christ has called me - a life of serving and ministering to others in every area of my life. To live out what has been done for me so that others might live with clarity as well.
I think, for me, there are two key things that happened on the trip that triggered this moment of understanding and acceptance.
The first was on the first night of the retreat. Pastor Scott asked what we were willing to leave behind, to turn away from, in order to pursue God. Now, this is something that I've been hearing from God over the past few months. He's been prodding me about what I need to give up in order to seek Him out. What are those things that distract me from Him? What is getting in the way of truly finding God and hearing out His will? It seemed that at retreat there was such a finality in that message. As if what had started out as a good suggestion from a friend was now transforming into a command from a loving Master. The time to choose had now come. I am happy to say that since coming home I've been proactive about weeding out the distractions from my life. I have a long way to go, definitely, but I'll get there.
The second thing to happen that has really instigated this change in my life happened on the last night of the retreat.
I need to preface this with something I find almost amusing considering my life experience. Between all the youth groups, Bible studies and churches I've belonged to and all of the worship services and prayer stations I've been to in my life, I have never knelt down before a cross to pray.
That said, we had prayer stations set up for the last night's service and I was outside in the snow (seriously...so beautiful) to help with the flow of traffic down to the cross that was set up and to be available for prayer. I knew that at some point I wanted to go down to the cross and pray for a bit, but I was content with waiting.
As the evening went on and people came in and out I still didn't feel a need to head down yet. Koby and I spent a little time talking about how we were past the point of crying during things like this and that we were simply too happy to have tears. I'm pretty sure he mentioned "What About Bob."
As the crowd thinned and less and less people were coming out, I felt like it was time. I made my way down the silent path and waited at the end for someone else who was in prayer. I turned around and simply took in the sight around me. Quiet as can be, all sounds muffled by the thick blanket of snow on the ground, a clear sky, void of stars, and tall pine trees poking high into the night. Beautiful, glorious, magnificent...there are many words that people use to try and convey the majesty of a sight like that...but they all fall short. To simply be in creation...to simply melt into all that God has created...there are no words for it. It was refreshing.
As I took my place in front of the cross, it came into my mind then that I had never knelt in front of one before. I gazed at the cross for a moment, illuminated by glow sticks (quite the sight, let me tell you), and it just washed over me. A thousand emotions and thoughts. How terrifically unworthy I am of what Christ did, but how helpless I am to deny such a love. I really think that is what changed me so thoroughly. I had always had this niggling thought in the back of my head - I don't deserve what He did so I can't really accept it. But it just hit me that night that I can't change what has already been done. No amount of self-pity, self-loathing or whatever, will change the fact that it is done. It's completed...it's finished...and the only thing left for me to do is accept it. For myself.
This is how it feels to be free. :o)
Alas.
AMAZING things happened at White Pass this year, many of which took place in my own heart, but I cannot seem to find a way to describe it. And maybe I'm not supposed to be able to, but oh how I wish I could!
All I know is that the Lord Jesus Christ has gripped my life with an unrelenting strength and for the first time ever, I'm not fighting it. Something happened and now I can wholly surrender myself to His care and guidance, where before I was unbalanced with my dedication. It's almost like a switch was flipped while I was away. God bopped me a good one on the side of the head and said, "Duh!"
I can't put my finger on that one, "Aha!" moment, but I'm glad that it happened. It's quite a relief to just give oneself over entirely to the Savior. Much better than picking and choosing which things to bring to the table. And now I have nothing but joy. I feel like I've reached that point in my faith where, yes, I still need the sacrifice of Christ to redeem me of the sins I have committed and the sins that will inevitably meet me along life's path, but I can move into the realm of abiding in Christ. To finally accept the Gift in its fullness and begin living outwardly. I'm done dwelling on my shortcomings and am ready to move on to that which Christ has called me - a life of serving and ministering to others in every area of my life. To live out what has been done for me so that others might live with clarity as well.
I think, for me, there are two key things that happened on the trip that triggered this moment of understanding and acceptance.
The first was on the first night of the retreat. Pastor Scott asked what we were willing to leave behind, to turn away from, in order to pursue God. Now, this is something that I've been hearing from God over the past few months. He's been prodding me about what I need to give up in order to seek Him out. What are those things that distract me from Him? What is getting in the way of truly finding God and hearing out His will? It seemed that at retreat there was such a finality in that message. As if what had started out as a good suggestion from a friend was now transforming into a command from a loving Master. The time to choose had now come. I am happy to say that since coming home I've been proactive about weeding out the distractions from my life. I have a long way to go, definitely, but I'll get there.
The second thing to happen that has really instigated this change in my life happened on the last night of the retreat.
I need to preface this with something I find almost amusing considering my life experience. Between all the youth groups, Bible studies and churches I've belonged to and all of the worship services and prayer stations I've been to in my life, I have never knelt down before a cross to pray.
That said, we had prayer stations set up for the last night's service and I was outside in the snow (seriously...so beautiful) to help with the flow of traffic down to the cross that was set up and to be available for prayer. I knew that at some point I wanted to go down to the cross and pray for a bit, but I was content with waiting.
As the evening went on and people came in and out I still didn't feel a need to head down yet. Koby and I spent a little time talking about how we were past the point of crying during things like this and that we were simply too happy to have tears. I'm pretty sure he mentioned "What About Bob."
As the crowd thinned and less and less people were coming out, I felt like it was time. I made my way down the silent path and waited at the end for someone else who was in prayer. I turned around and simply took in the sight around me. Quiet as can be, all sounds muffled by the thick blanket of snow on the ground, a clear sky, void of stars, and tall pine trees poking high into the night. Beautiful, glorious, magnificent...there are many words that people use to try and convey the majesty of a sight like that...but they all fall short. To simply be in creation...to simply melt into all that God has created...there are no words for it. It was refreshing.
As I took my place in front of the cross, it came into my mind then that I had never knelt in front of one before. I gazed at the cross for a moment, illuminated by glow sticks (quite the sight, let me tell you), and it just washed over me. A thousand emotions and thoughts. How terrifically unworthy I am of what Christ did, but how helpless I am to deny such a love. I really think that is what changed me so thoroughly. I had always had this niggling thought in the back of my head - I don't deserve what He did so I can't really accept it. But it just hit me that night that I can't change what has already been done. No amount of self-pity, self-loathing or whatever, will change the fact that it is done. It's completed...it's finished...and the only thing left for me to do is accept it. For myself.
This is how it feels to be free. :o)
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