Set Apart

The Not-So-Secret Family Recipe

2011-12-10T21:48:00.001-08:00

Do you ever have an idea so engrained in you and you aren't really sure why?

For example: I could have sworn that my Grandma Smith's graham cracker pie was a secret family recipe. I found out today that yes, it is a family recipe, but it is not a secret.

WHAT???

It does take a bit of the mystery and excitement out of life, but on the other hand, that means I get to share this deliciousness with all of you and you can share it with everyone you know - yay!

Here is the recipe as it was given to me by my mother:

Grandma Smith's Graham Cracker Pie

Crust:
30 graham cracker squares, crushed
1 1/2 C brown sugar
6 Tbl butter - may be melted

Mix well together. Reserve 1 C of mixture, line 2 pie plates with the balance.

Filling:
1 1/2 C brown sugar
4 HEAPING Tbl flour
6 egg yolks, well beaten (reserve egg whites)
4 C milk
2 Tbl butter
2 tsp vanilla
pinch of salt (approx 1/8 tsp)

Cook in double boiler until thick. Use beater occasionally while it cooks to make a smooth pudding. This can take quite awhile, as much as a 1/2 hour. Pour into lined pie plates while pudding is hot.

Beat the 6 egg whites until stiff. Add 6 Tbl powdered sugar and spread on top of pies, sprinkle remaining crumbs on top of meringue.

Bake at 325 degrees till meringue is browned.

Additional notes:

From Grandma Smith - don't be afraid to heap the tablespoons of flour. I start the pudding cooking and then make the crust. You don't have to constantly beat the pudding. Just use a hand mixer occasionally until it is thick.

From Mom - don't make substitutions in the ingredients. Always use brown sugar in the amount listed. Granulated sugar will not work. I wouldn't try any of the sugar substitutes, either. You can use margarine in place of butter. I'm not sure about using skim milk, you might not want to do that. If you don't have a double boiler that's big enough, just set a saucepan inside another larger pan with water in it. That works just as well. This sounds complicated, but it really isn't. Just read it all the way through first before you start. You'll do fine.

Thanks Mom! It turned out just right!

Thirsty

2011-07-17T19:24:00.000-07:00

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. ~Hebrews 12:1-3

I spent some time reading over this piece of Scripture today. I wasn't intending to read this passage or to even write anything, but so much for intentions, eh?

I was actually reading over some of my older blog entries. It's kind of fun to go back and read and reflect on what has gone on in my life and to remember the ways that God has shown Himself to me. I came across Hebrews 12:1 in one of my notes and it really struck a chord with me. I looked up the passage and ended up reading the first few verses several times.

As I was reading I was reminded of the sermon at church today. I don't know if I was reminded so much as convicted. Pastor asked us at the end of the service to leave something behind before we left. Something we needed to let go of permanently. I struggled to come up with something. So I just left. As I read the passage above I felt that all too familiar conviction flood through me.

Who am I to think I haven't got anything left to hand over to the Lord? I'm still a work in progress. I knew that I didn't really want to think about it, much less part with whatever it was, so I shrugged it off. Ah well, praise God that He doesn't just let us continue on as we are!

Anyway, back to whatever the point is I'm trying to make. I have been incredibly distracted lately. These verses remind me that I have to get rid of anything that is coming between me and the Lord. That is what I should have left behind today. My thirst for Christ seems diminished lately and I know it's because I've been replacing my regular time with Him with other things. Things that don't satisfy. I wish I could say I was filling my time with awesome things, but really, it's dumb stuff like reading a book instead of my Bible or watching a movie instead of spending quiet time in the presence of my God. It's funny, but you would think I'd have learned by now that substitutions just don't cut it. Maybe that's all a part of the journey...wish it could be a lot smoother instead of all these bumps though. Maybe the stumbles will come fewer and farther between.

This morning we sang the song 'I Will Never Be The Same Again' and one of the other singers said during practice, 'Thank goodness I will never be the same!' I echoed the sentiment, but it really got me to thinking. It can be easy to feel like we've never changed when we're stuck in a rut spiritually, but I think it's healthy to spend some time, every once in awhile, thinking about where you might be without the Lord. When I put it in that perspective, I can see His hand so clearly. So yes, thank goodness I will never be the same!

I think the moral of today's story is that I have some tidying up to do; I've been pretty parched the past few weeks! I am excited that my eyes and heart have been opened and so grateful for a Savior that gently moves me back into His arms.

Pastor shared part of Psalm 63 during church today. I love the Psalms. They convey such a depth of passion that few of the other books of the Bible can. I'll just end with this passage. This is the cry and desire of my heart.

God, You are my God; I eagerly seek You.
I thirst for You;
my body faints for You
in a land that is dry, desolate, and without water.
So I gaze on You in the sanctuary
to see Your strength and Your glory.

My lips will glorify You
because Your faithful love is better than life.

So I will praise You as long as I live;
at Your name, I will lift up my hands. ~Psalm 63:1-4

When Life's a Bear

2011-05-25T15:58:00.001-07:00

Seriously...today was a BEAR! One of those days where I just don't know if I'll make it through. All in all, I'm doing pretty well, but it seemed like everything was coming at me at one time and I just wanted to laugh at the absurdity and cry at the insanity of it.

I remember getting in my car after work and having the sudden urge to just drive until my car ran out of gas and hope that I ended up somewhere far away. Since I would have made it to about La Center at best, I reconsidered. As I started my car, a familiar song began playing on the radio. The reason it was so familiar is because, literally, the last 4 times I've gotten in my car, this song has started playing.

I just love how God works. I think that song has been on each time I get in the car because God knew I would notice the pattern today. And today is exactly when I needed to take this message to heart. It may seem odd to the rest of you, but God knows how my brain works.

I hope that this song encourages you too. When it seems like life is too much to handle, that's okay! God knows about it and He is more than able to walk us through. His promises are sure and His strength unending. Our help is, indeed, on the way.

"Rest in God alone, my soul,
for my hope comes from Him.

He alone is my rock and my salvation,
my stronghold; I will not be shaken.

My salvation and glory depend on God;
my strong rock, my refuge, is in God.

Trust in Him at all times, you people;
pour out your hearts before Him.
God is our refuge."

~Psalm 62:5-8

My foes are many, they rise against me
But I will hold my ground
I will not fear the war, I will not fear the storm
My help is on the way, my help is on the way

Oh, my God, He will not delay
My refuge and strength always
I will not fear, His promise is true
My God will come through always, always

Troubles surround me, chaos abounding
My soul will rest in You
I will not fear the war, I will not fear the storm
My help is on the way, my help is on the way

Oh, my God, He will not delay
My refuge and strength always
I will not fear, His promise is true
My God will come through always, always

I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord
I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord
I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord
I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord
From You Lord, from You Lord

Oh, my God, He will not delay
My refuge and strength always
I will not fear, His promise is true
My God will come through always, always

Oh, my God, He will not delay
My refuge and strength always, always

"Always" by Kristian Stanfill

Social media is a contradiction of terms

2011-04-01T20:05:00.000-07:00

About 3 weeks ago, the teen girls in the Sunday school class I co-lead opted to do a media fast for 1 week. This was part of a series of challenges we did over a 10 week study on the beatitudes. The particular focus of the week we did the media fast was 'Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.' (Matt. 5:8) This was a great challenge for reflecting on the things that influence us most and how it affects the purity of our minds, hearts and spirits.

I was humbled to realize just how much time I was devoting to certain types of media, especially facebook (this was what my focus was, specifically, during the week). I was surprised to find that after about 24 hours of fighting with myself not to get on the computer, it really wasn't a struggle. It was refreshing to see the world around me, what is right here in front of my face and not only be aware of it, but to find that it was better than what I had previously thought was so awesome.

I had wanted to write about my experience that week, but I didn't have it all pieced together. I felt like there was so much God was trying to say to me and it was this sort of mish mash, but I've been sorting through it.

First, I don't know that I've ever experienced such a consistent sense of the Lord's presence than I did during that week. Because I was choosing to be more aware of what was going on around me, I could see Him everywhere. I had taken off my blinders and there He was.

Again, at many times during the week I just shook my head at myself and said, 'Really? This is what you've been spending your time doing and THIS is what you've been missing out on?'

Who would have thought that social media would make one more shut off to not only life around them, but also to the Lord's voice. I was more interested in what almost 500 other people had to say about every little detail of their lives than in pursuing intimacy with my heavenly Father. It just sounds weird even saying it, but that's what I was doing!

Not only that, but the Lord really convicted me of how I was using facebook. I thought I was doing pretty good...I had already stopped complaining about things through facebook for the most part (something I was convicted over last year) and instead chose to use facebook as a place of encouragement. I could post Scriptures and links to uplifting music...it was great. And it wasn't that I shouldn't be doing those things, but I found that when the Lord was really speaking to me or I had seen Him working in me and in the lives of those around me, I would post it on facebook first.

In those moments when I knew God was moving or laying something on my heart, I would tell the social media world about it first instead of thanking Him for the gift of His presence. For the blessing of seeing His hand moving. For speaking to my heart through His Word and through worship.

Instead of pursuing His heart further and offering gratitude, I would truncate our communion and rush to post a Bible verse or song lyrics on my page. Yes, it was from a heart that wanted to encourage others - I had just experienced the Lord and who doesn't want to share that? But at the expense of cheapening my relationship with the Savior? Whoa.

I was gone from facebook for 7 days. One week, people. And in that short space of time I saw an outpouring from the Father. I felt His presence like never before.

'Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.'

And I did see Him. And I want to see more of Him.

On another note, I realized something else during this fast. Just kind of a bigger picture sort of thing.

Being so connected to so many people and having access to 85 million news channels, websites and blogs is INSANE. Humans were not designed to be all-knowing. Only the Creator is omniscient. How overwhelmed do you get when you watch the news or try to keep up with all of your friends' status updates? We weren't made to see the big picture! God is aware of all things at all times and that's cool with Him. It causes the rest of us to explode.

Not to mention, when we are so worried about the entire planet all the time, what happens to our closest relationships? They suffer. We are no longer able to give ourselves over to true intimacy with those nearest and dearest to us. We can't be as compassionate as we need to be to those who are struggling within our arm's reach because we are setting our sights on people and situations that are out of not only our control, but our sphere of effectiveness.

I don't want anyone to take this to mean that we shouldn't know anything about the world around us or try to help others that are outside of our local region, but don't forget about your neighbors and family and friends because you're caught up in the barrage of information that comes at us from every angle 24/7. Take some time to unplug...remember who you are and Whose you are. Go out with a friend and find out how they're really doing. Take a meal to someone from church who's sick. Babysit for a couple who desperately needs a break.

It's so easy to offer our sympathies over facebook, but how about turning off the computer and offering a solution.

"Love is just a word...until someone comes along and gives it meaning."

2011-02-14T16:18:00.000-08:00

I saw this quote today and at first I just kind of rolled my eyes.

I roll my eyes a lot on Valentine's Day.

I think the idea of Valentine's Day is pretty solid, but it doesn't translate well to reality. I have never had a Valentine so I can't speak from experience, but I can't imagine that the gifts and flowers and dinners mean more today than any other day of the year. If anything, it probably means less because so many people participate in the holiday out of obligation. Or maybe that's my cynicism speaking.

I think the reason I can be cynical about Valentine's Day is because it's a holiday that puts so much emphasis on only one aspect of love: romance. Why don't we have holidays that celebrate other characteristics of love? Compromise Day. Sacrifice Day. You don't see those holidays anywhere. Perhaps I'm jaded because I'm single...who knows. :P

Anyhoo...I could go on all day about Cupid and his special day, but that's not why I'm writing today.

Back to the quote. I rolled my eyes initially because I read it as only a mushy quote for mushy people on a mushy holiday. However, upon a second reading I found it to be a simple, yet profound, statement. And I find it to be a statement that is applicable to everyone.

I am not married, I am not dating anyone. Yet, I have met someone who has given love a meaning that no one could ever come close to. Scripture says that God IS love. It also says that there is no greater love than to lay down one's life for one's friends, something the Jesus himself did for us. I have experienced love in the fullness of what it is because love has shown Himself to me. I wouldn't trade that for 100 Valentine's Days with the man of my dreams!

I have a deep desire for marriage and family, but I know that without Christ, it is meaningless. Knowing Christ now gives me the patience to wait for all He has planned for me. If any encouragement can be taken from this, I hope it's that you can know a true, full, perfect and never-ending love right now. Don't miss what's right here because you're looking for fulfillment in a person. God created us for relationship, but first and foremost, that relationship is with Him.

"Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God; and everyone that loves is born of God..." ~1 John 4:7

No song...gasp!

2011-01-31T13:22:00.000-08:00

I apologize for the regrettable, but necessary lack of posting since, oh, August. For anyone who still happens upon this little corner of the internet that I call my own, hello. :o)

I'm afraid I haven't got a ton to say, but I wanted to dust off the page and update it a little bit and bring it into the new year.

(And as the title says - there will be no song in this post! Am I turning over a new blogging leaf? Who knows...I kind of hope not though :P )

The past year of my life has been an incredible mix of ups and downs, brokenness and healing. The constant through it all has been the Lord and His faithfulness to me. I can look back on all that has transpired and see His hand guiding me all the way, drawing me ever closer to Him. In fact, there were several events this past year that I truly believe if they had not happened, I wouldn't have been able to move closer to Him. Some were painful, but when the end result is intimacy with Christ, it's okay.

I had had the gnawing feeling early last year that if some of my past wasn't resolved soon, I would arrive at a bit of a standstill with the Lord. I certainly didn't want that, but I didn't know how to even begin unpacking that baggage. I remember spending much of the first few months of the year pleading with the Lord to show me what to do. It really felt like He was being silent, but I continued to ask. I spent time in the Word trying to glean some new wisdom and direction, yet both were elusive. I began to feel the Spirit impress on me that I needed to wait, just a bit longer. That wasn't really to my liking as I still couldn't see how this was all going to work out, but not really having any other choice, I waited.

About mid-year, the Lord moved in a way that I couldn't have anticipated and yet, per His usual way of doing things, it was the best possible way. I saw my God step in for me and guide me, undeniably, to a place of healing and forgiveness. I can't even describe to you what that moment was like. All my time spent pleading and praying and digging into the Word was my way of trying to make something happen. I thought if I prayed and read enough, God would have to listen and respond. It amazes me that I still think this way from time to time!

What He truly desired of me was to seek Him, not just the answer I was looking for. I had spent so much time and energy focused on the issue at hand and not the Lord Himself, that I had lost sight of abiding in Him and waiting on His timing.

It can be easy to forget that we aren't the only ones who hurt when we go through difficulties - God is right there with us, His heart breaking with ours. He desires our healing as much as, if not more than, we do.

My small group has been studying the book of Zechariah and last week we happened upon a verse that has helped me a lot over the years and as I read it now, I find peace again.

"Thus says the LORD of hosts, 'If it is too difficult in the sight of the remnant of this people in those days, will it also be too difficult in My sight?' declares the LORD of hosts." ~Zechariah 8:6

The Israelites were returning to the Promised Land from exile in Babylon. They were fewer in number and had a massive rebuilding project ahead of them. What seemed impossible to them is not impossible with the Lord. He doesn't bring us to the place He promised us and then leave us to figure out everything from there. He brings us to Himself and restores us and stays faithful to His promises.

Yes, it's been a difficult year, but where I stand now has made it worth the journey.

Strength in Weakness

2010-08-06T20:03:00.000-07:00

It seems that many of my small revelations are brought on by music. This is an observation I made today and so I'd like to give some kudos to all of the singers/songwriters/musicians/etc. (and there are many so I won't list them) who have been instrumental (no pun intended...I don't think) in how the Lord reaches me. :o)

That said, tonight's revelation is brought to you by Matt Maher. :P

So I was playing some Frontierville and listening to the aforementioned artist when the first few lines of one of his songs resonated with me (eventually the whole song, but we'll get to that later).

I flirt with the world
It steals my love for You
My fear grips my faith
And I am left unmoved

Most of the summer I had been in kind of a slump spiritually. I was allowing other things to take precedence. Filling up my schedule and not really leaving time to spend with my Lord. It's frustrating for me when my faith operates on a Sunday/Wednesday schedule instead of living like my life depends on it (which it does).

So when I heard the first line of this song I tuned right in and immediately felt convicted (hallelujah!). As I thought about the past couple of months and the drifting I had been doing, I remembered a very familiar verse:

"But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." ~2 Cor. 12:9

At first, I wasn't sure why this verse was brought to mind because I had always kind of thought of it as Christ's power being made perfect in my weakness in relation to my witness to others. I reflected for a little bit and then I realized that it also means that Christ's power is made perfect in my weakness in regard to my own personal growth.

All the striving I do, the work I put into my faith because I feel like if I can conquer my weaknesses myself I'll somehow be closer to God, it doesn't help. Not that I shouldn't actively pursue God and spend time in the Word, I definitely need to do that. However, I spend so much time recognizing where I'm weak and trying to overcome it by myself before approaching the throne. That's why I get tired and end up floundering for awhile.

The first part of the verse says that His grace is sufficient...His grace is literally enough. If I accept His grace, which requires admitting I can't do this on my own and I need Him to cover me, then He will do the work needed on me. Where I am helpless, He is able. Where I am deficient, He is ample. Where I am weak, He is strong.

These are all things that aren't particularly new to me, but for some reason, I finally got it tonight. Jesus completes me...moves me...upholds me...is in me...around me...I could go on because He is everything. It is so refreshing to be back in a place of wanting to not only pursue Him, but to be pursued by Him (not that the pursuit ever ended on God's end...I just wasn't noticing). It's freeing to know that I still need Him to be my strength. I may fall away, but it just proves that I will never be able to do this on my own.

I said earlier that I'd get to the rest of the song later, so here it is. Only the first stanza really deals with the drifting, the rest of the song is about the deep love of Jesus and how it draws us back time and again and the praise that can't help but escape our lips in response. It's beautiful. :o)

I flirt with the world
It steals my love for You
My fear grips my faith
And I am left unmoved

Your gaze stops my heart
Your voice fills the dark
Your love is the spark that lights this life
So we rise

Out of the depths you cry
Come and be satisfied
Father, You sing
Father, You sing over Your children

You quiet the storm
Inside my shipwrecked soul
Your spirit will lead
It calls the wayward home

At the sound of Your name
Our sin is washed away
In Christ we're crucified
In You we die, in You we rise

Out of the depths you cry
Come and be satisfied
Father, You sing
Father, You sing over Your children

Let us see through Your eyes
We are Your great delight
Father You sing
Father, You sing over Your children

And we're singing along
Your daughters and sons
We're singing Your song
We are Your children

Out of the depths you cry
Come and be satisfied
Father, You sing
Father, You sing over Your children

Let us see through Your eyes
We are Your great delight
Father, You sing
Father, You sing over Your children

~"Sing Over Your Children" by Matt Maher

Some Stuff

2010-07-27T19:27:00.000-07:00

It has been a couple of months since I last wrote...whoops! I've been in a writing funk. Alas. :P

Even now, I'm not entirely sure what I'm going to write about, but there it is and here we are.

Thought for today: I have been craving innocence lately (maybe I should be craving it all the time?). I yearn for the time when I believed all people were good, I could be whatever I wanted and that one person can make a difference. For the days when I thirsted for knowledge, kept my head up and saw what was around me and expected more of the people around me without feeling guilty.

It amazes me how the journey of life can beat one down. Can shatter pure ideals and leave you wondering what the point is.

It reminds me on a daily basis that this is not the way life is supposed to be. It is not the way He intended things to turn out. What a meaningless struggle we have created for ourselves!

I'm not saying all this to be depressing, but it's simply an observation I've made over the past year or so. And once I was past the point of wondering when I went from wide-eyed wonderment to droopy-eyed acceptance, I began to ask, what do I do to get back what I have lost? Jesus came to redeem man...the whole man, not just part, so I have to believe that there is hope for perspective and not just purpose (though purpose, obviously, plays a lot into perspective).

I haven't gotten any answers yet, but I think the journey itself will be my answer. It is the journey that has been corrupted. The destination has always been Jesus...home...but there is a lot to happen still on the way and I pray that I would run a race worthy of the finish line.

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us." ~Hebrews 12:1

Healing Begins

2010-05-24T18:12:00.000-07:00

Probably my favorite song right now. :o)

So you thought you had to keep this up
All the work that you do
So we think that you're good
And you can't believe it's not enough
All the walls you built up
Are just glass on the outside

So let 'em fall down
There's freedom waiting in the sound
When you let your walls fall to the ground
We're here now

This is where the healing begins, oh
This is where the healing starts
When you come to where you're broken within
The light meets the dark
The light meets the dark

Afraid to let your secrets out
Everything that you hide
Can come crashing through the door now
But too scared to face all your fear
So you hide but you find
That the shame won't disappear

So let it fall down
There's freedom waiting in the sound
When you let your walls fall to the ground
We're here now
We're here now, oh

This is where the healing begins, oh
This is where the healing starts
When you come to where you're broken within
The light meets the dark
The light meets the dark

Sparks will fly as grace collides
With the dark inside of us
So please don't fight
This coming light
Let this blood come cover us
His blood can cover us

This is where the healing begins, oh
This is where the healing starts
When you come to where you're broken within
The light meets the dark

-"Healing Begins" by Tenth Avenue North

May I decrease so that You may increase

2010-05-11T19:41:00.000-07:00

I get shivers whenever I read this. I am humbled to be able to serve such an amazingly loving and caring God. I hope this passage blesses and inspires you as much as it has for me!

1 I will exalt you, my God the King;
I will praise your name for ever and ever.
2 Every day I will praise you
and extol your name for ever and ever.

3 Great is the LORD and most worthy of praise;
his greatness no one can fathom.

4 One generation will commend your works to another;
they will tell of your mighty acts.

5 They will speak of the glorious splendor of your majesty,
and I will meditate on your wonderful works.

6 They will tell of the power of your awesome works,
and I will proclaim your great deeds.

7 They will celebrate your abundant goodness
and joyfully sing of your righteousness.

8 The LORD is gracious and compassionate,
slow to anger and rich in love.

9 The LORD is good to all;
he has compassion on all he has made.

10 All you have made will praise you, O LORD;
your saints will extol you.

11 They will tell of the glory of your kingdom
and speak of your might,

12 so that all men may know of your mighty acts
and the glorious splendor of your kingdom.

13 Your kingdom is an everlasting kingdom,
and your dominion endures through all generations.
The LORD is faithful to all his promises
and loving toward all he has made.

14 The LORD upholds all those who fall
and lifts up all who are bowed down.

15 The eyes of all look to you,
and you give them their food at the proper time.

16 You open your hand
and satisfy the desires of every living thing.

17 The LORD is righteous in all his ways
and loving toward all he has made.

18 The LORD is near to all who call on him,
to all who call on him in truth.

19 He fulfills the desires of those who fear him;
he hears their cry and saves them.

20 The LORD watches over all who love him,
but all the wicked he will destroy.

21 My mouth will speak in praise of the LORD.
Let every creature praise his holy name
for ever and ever.

~Psalm 145

Rumbly in my Tumbly

2010-04-13T19:40:00.000-07:00

Over the past couple of weeks I've been experiencing a lot of stress and discouragement from a multitude of areas in my life. I don't say this to fish for sympathy or to make anyone feel bad for me. I say this because I find this particular valley in my life to be unlike any other that I've experienced.

Typically, when I am in a down spot and just kind of feeling bleh about everything, I just feel that way and wait for myself to get over it. This time, however, I find that even though emotionally I'm spent, spiritually I feel more alive than ever. I love where I am spiritually - it's as if what I'm going through now is spurring me towards Christ. I feel my need for Jesus more acutely now than I ever have before, and for me, that makes these trials okay. I relish my deep longing for Him...crave more of Him in my life. It is my sincerest prayer that when this temporary valley fades away and a joyous mountain stands before me that I will simply have gratitude in my heart. Gratitude that will only increase my deep hunger for the Savior.

24 You guide me with your counsel,
and afterward you will take me into glory.

25 Whom have I in heaven but you?
And earth has nothing I desire besides you.

26 My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever.

~Psalm 73:24-26

Lord, I want more of You
Living Water, rain down on me
Lord, I need more of You
Living Breath of life, come and fill me up

We are hungry
We are hungry
We are hungry for more of You
We are thirsty, Oh Jesus
We are thirsty for more of You

We lift our holy hands up
We want to touch You
We lift our voices higher
And higher and higher to You

~We Are Hungry

Musings

2010-03-24T22:14:00.000-07:00

"So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness. See to it that no one takes you captive through hollow and deceptive philosophy, which depends on human tradition and the basic principles of this world rather than on Christ." ~Colossians 2:6-8

I have been reading through Colossians for the past couple of days. It's been about 5 years since the last time I read through it and as much as I love Paul, Colossians just isn't one of those books that comes to mind when I think of him. And now that I've read it again, I'm not sure why it's always been so far from my mind. This book is AMAZING. In fact, I may just read it a few more times before I move on.

I don't know if it's because 5 years down the road I find the teaching in this book to be more relevant or what, but I find the Spirit really opening my heart to what's being said. The book itself spends a lot of time stressing the importance of recognizing our newness in Christ. Remembering that who we were is no more. It also warns against false teachers and philosophies that are disguised to look like Christian teaching. I felt admonished by the Spirit to continually be aware of what I hear and see everyday. To not just accept what's being told to me, but to hold fast to His word.

I have had the opportunity in the past couple of weeks to talk at length with some folks who claim Christ, but borrow philosophies from all different belief systems and mix it in to create some sort of religious soup. It's strange, but the only times I've had encounters with these people were in situations where I couldn't really counter what they were saying with Truth (i.e. customers at work, etc.). I remember feeling frustrated that the Lord was putting people in my path that I couldn't share the Truth with, but as I read through Colossians I got the distinct feeling that the Lord was reiterating with real life experience what He was revealing to me through His word.

That's all I really have to say. Until next time. :o)

Everything is Different

2010-03-04T18:26:00.000-08:00

I was listening to this Shane and Shane song just a short while ago and was really touched by it, more so than any other time that I've listened to it. Just thinking about how much Jesus has truly made things different in my life. When I think about how I used to live day to day, not even with the things I did, but just how I viewed life in general, I have nothing but praise in my heart for the One who rescued me and truly revolutionized my outlook on life.

Who am I to know Your glory?
Who am I to recognize your voice calling out?
How could I be in Your story?
God who was and is and is to come who is One?

I was dead in my sin
You came in

You made a way when there was no way
You covered heaviness with garments of praise
You wrote a song and You're singing it over me
I feel a dead heart beating now
This revelation makes me wanna shout
that Jesus has been sent
and everything is different.

You turn ashes into beauty
You are for me, not against me now
You found me somehow
You turn mourning into dancing
You turn weeping into a joyful noise
Oh rejoice!

I was dead in my sin
You came in

You made a way when there was no way
You covered heaviness with garments of praise
You wrote a song and You're singing it over me
I feel a dead heart beating now
This revelation makes me wanna shout
that Jesus has been sent
and everything is different.

What matter of love that You would call us sons and daughters?
We cry "Abba! Father!"
Alleluia Alleluia Alleluia
I will never be the same.

You made a way when there was no way
You covered heaviness with garments of praise
You wrote a song and You're singing it over me
I feel a dead heart beating now
This revelation makes me wanna shout
that Jesus has been sent
and everything is different.

You made a way when there was no way
You covered heaviness with garments of praise
You wrote a song and You're singing it over me
I feel a dead heart beating now
This revelation makes me wanna shout
that Jesus has been sent
and everything is different.

Curious

2010-02-23T21:47:00.000-08:00

"Come, let us return to the LORD.
He has torn us to pieces
but he will heal us;
he has injured us
but he will bind up our wounds.
After two days he will revive us;
on the third day he will restore us,
that we may live in his presence.

Let us acknowledge the LORD;
let us press on to acknowledge him.
As surely as the sun rises,
he will appear;
he will come to us like the winter rains,
like the spring rains that water the earth."

~Hosea 6:1-3

This passage of Scripture has always intrigued me. At first, it was mostly because I didn't understand it. I didn't get why God would injure, break or hurt us just to fix it. It didn't fit my image of a 'loving' God.

Over the past months, seeing God working in my own life, I see that He has to break me if I truly want to become more like Him. If I've built up this life that isn't pleasing to Him, full of things that aren't of Him, He has to chip away at that and then begin rebuilding me. It hurts now, but unless the Lord's will is at the heart of me, He can't make me into what I need to be.

And that's my thought for today. :o)

And so we come to it

2010-02-16T23:36:00.000-08:00

Lent begins tomorrow (or what's more likely by the time I'm done writing this post, today).

Lent brings to mind a few different things depending on what you've heard or experienced of it. Whenever I mention Lent, the most common response I receive is, 'But you're not Catholic.' Oh well. :P

Traditionally, Lent is viewed as a 40 day period of time in which believers do some sort of penance in the form of fasting from particular foods or activities in preparation for Holy Week, which includes the death and resurrection of our Savior.

Others take a less 'religious' view and simply see Lent as a great time to try giving up smoking or drinking soda or eating chocolate.

But what is the point of Lent? Can one really do penance for their sins, hoping to find favor in God's eyes? Of course not!

"For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God" ~Eph. 2:8

I think there is a fine, but significant, line between doing penance for sin and recognizing your desperate need for Christ's blood to cover your life. I think practices which can start out as the latter can drift into the category of doing penance if we're not careful.

While spending time thinking and praying about how I wanted to handle Lent this year, I asked God to show me what most I needed from Him, not just during this time, but for my life in general. One thing I've always liked about Lent is that you have a tangible goal to set for yourself. 40 days to work towards a new goal.

During this time of reflection, I recalled something we had talked about in our college small group last fall. We were talking about tithing and it was brought up what it might look like if we tithed a portion of each day to the Lord. I said then that I would do that for Lent. And so...that's what I'm going to do for Lent.

10% of every day will be for the Lord. I'm not talking about sitting and reading my Bible, but really spending time with the Lord. Praying, yes, but most importantly, listening. Truly spending quality time with my Jesus. My biggest prayer for this time is that I won't stop at 40 days...and that by the time that 40 days is up, I'll be giving more than 10%.

I want to spend the next 40 days truly connecting with Him and learning to listen to His voice. This is what I feel He wants most from me right now. All areas of spiritual growth in my life hinge on whether I am listening to His direction.

In order to maximize my ability to listen to God's voice (and know that it is only Him that I'm allowing to dictate the direction of my life), I've decide to make the following verse my theme verse for Lent:

"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things." ~Phil. 4:8

The battle for the mind is as spiritual as any. Spending this Lenten season recognizing how Christ's sacrifice not only has redeemed my life and saved me for eternity, but also knowing that it's this very power that helps me to fight everyday temptation is a huge reason why this verse is key to successfully growing with Christ. It's going to come off a bit extreme, but I'm okay with that.

I want more Jesus and if that means less of everything else, so be it. I want to truly discover what it means to dwell solely on those things that are true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, and praiseworthy. There are a lot of things I can do that wouldn't stand out to anyone simply because the rest of the world is doing it too.

"Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will." ~Romans 12:2

I want to cut out the unnecessary and be different! My life should look different to the world. In fact, I imagine that if I truly lived a life worthy of the calling that Christ has put on me, my life would look a lot different than most of the believers I know. I'm not saying that to rag on the people I know and love, goodness knows I'm right there with them. But I'm ready to step up and say enough is enough. Christ is in me which means that Christ should move through me. And Jesus didn't plan his life around a TV schedule or what tax bracket He fell into. He lived a life of love and truth and passion. He lived and died and rose to change the world.

Oh, that I could live a life like that! I want to affect those around me for eternity, and that journey begins with my own decision to allow Christ to completely take over and transform me.

Even so, come Lord Jesus!

Heart check

2010-02-01T10:33:00.000-08:00

I read this verse yesterday while I was up at Starting Grounds, and while I had read it before I had always kind of passed over it without a second though. Well, I guess Jesus thought it was time for me to pay attention to it. :P

"The good person out of the good treasure of the heart produces good, and the evil person out of evil treasure produces evil; for it is out of the abundance of the heart that the mouth speaks." ~Luke 6:45

I know that from time to time I can feel like I've 'arrived' in certain areas of my walk, or at the very least, feel like I've grown enough to get by. Reading this verse yesterday pretty much brought me back to my senses. For one thing, the Bible says:

"being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." ~Philippians 1:6

That tells me that I still need the Spirit to work in my life daily, shaping and transforming, and He will continue to do so until Christ returns.

Second, Scripture also says:

"there is no one who does good, no not one." ~Psalm 14:3

So it is by Christ alone in me that anything good comes from my life. And so now I come back to this passage in Luke. I'm a pretty positive person, but it's still my default to resort to sarcasm and biting remarks when I'm talking to people. I know that I can lean towards a more cynical view point and that fuels the kinds of things I say.

I want to see the world the way Jesus sees it. If my heart is in tune with His, wouldn't I be much more likely to respond out of compassion instead of cynicism? That is my prayer for today.

Father, as I seek to understand and know You more, show me the world through Your loving eyes instead of the blinded perspective I tend to take. Open my heart to extend grace and compassion to those around me.

From All Sides

2010-01-28T20:22:00.000-08:00

Do you ever have those times when it seems like God is using every possible area of your life to send you a message? This is definitely one of those times. And it's so good. Granted, there's been a little conviction involved, but I'm so ecstatic to be hearing the Lord speaking so clearly into my heart that I don't really mind. :P

First, this Scripture has been coming to my attention over the past couple of weeks:

"Yet whatever gains I had, these I have come to regard as loss because of Christ. More than that, I regard everything as loss because of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things, and I regard them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but one that comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness of God based on faith." ~Philippians 3:7-9

And then, this song has been getting stuck in my head for the past few days (I haven't actually listened to this song in several months, go figure):

"Use me, break me, waste me on You, Lord
Ruin me, take me, waste me on You
For to die is to live...

To starve is to feast
And less of me is more of Jesus
Lord, I want it all
Lord, I want it all
If I lose my life
I gain everything
And at the cross
Away with all death's sting
Lord, I want it all
Lord, I want it all

There is power in the blood
There is victory in Jesus
Come in power, wash me clean
Overwhelm me with Your presence
There is power in the blood
There is victory in Jesus
Help me glory in the cross
Help me find my gain in loss"

~ I Want It All by Shane and Shane

And then! As if the message wasn't already clear enough, last night at youth group, Koby gave us a copy of a prayer by John Wesley that goes as follows:

"I am no longer my own, but Yours. Put me to what You will, rank me with whom You will. Put me to doing, put me to suffering. Let me be employed by You or laid aside for You, exalted for You or brought low by You. Let me have all things, let me have nothing. I freely and heartily yield all things to Your pleasure and disposal. And now, O glorious and blessed Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, You are mine and I am Yours. So be it. And the covenant which I have made on earth, let it be ratified in Heaven. Amen." ~John Wesley

I can't tell you how many times I've read this prayer and made it my own in the past 24 hours. I don't know how to describe just how deeply the Spirit has been impressing upon me the importance of laying myself aside for the sake of Christ. I feel a physical ache in my chest to know Him more deeply. To find my purpose solely in Him and NOT my circumstances or position in life. Truly, as long as I have Christ I have everything that I need.

Jesus, continue to move in my heart and my life. Teach me to pursue You, and only You, wholeheartedly. Help me to walk in Your will and to relinquish control of my life to Your strong and capable hands. It is my joy and true happiness to offer my life to You to do with what You will.

Mission Connexion Northwest - Part 4

2010-01-27T16:22:00.000-08:00

Okay, so I lost my steam a little bit. :P

However, the most extensive portion of my blogging about the conference is over. Mostly it's because I personally received more out of the first part of the conference than the second. But there is still a little more I'd like to share.

The last two workshops I attended were less class-like than the first two. I took very sparse notes in the third workshop and I took no notes in the fourth. They were very awesome though.

The first workshop of the afternoon was presented by Voice of the Martyrs. The gal who ran the workshop gave a brief overview of the organization and the history behind it (fascinating and moving story, by the way).

We were about halfway through the workshop when we had some technical difficulties and weren't able to view a video that had been scheduled as part of the class. The gal didn't have anything to do for the last half of the workshop, but it so happened that a guy she knew from a Portland church was attending and he happened to be part of a group that regularly prays for and supports the persecuted church in North Korea. God works in amazing ways - he was able to share what the group at his church does and offered a ton of insight on how we can effectively pray for the church in North Korea.

For more info about what they do, visit http://www.prayforthepersecuted.com.

A random factoid that the gal shared with us: there isn't a single established church in Saudi Arabia. During the workshop I wasn't sure why, but that fact stuck in my brain. I found out in the next workshop why the Lord kept it in my mind.

The last workshop I attended was supposed to be a Muslim man sharing his testimony of how he came to know Christ. The workshop was canceled, but nobody saw the notice on the door and so we all filed into the chapel anyway. Turns out the guy who was supposed to speak had been in an accident and wasn't able to make it (I haven't heard, but I assume that he is okay because nothing was said otherwise). Another Muslim-turned-Christian had attended the previous session in the chapel and one of the conference volunteers asked him to share his testimony in lieu of canceling a session everyone had turned up for anyway.

I'm not going to share his story, a) it's not my story to tell and b) he shared his story at great risk to his own safety and the session wasn't even recorded. However, he is from Saudi Arabia and as soon as he told us that I knew that I had been in the Voice of the Martyrs session for a reason.

Can you imagine what extraordinary lengths God goes to to pursue His precious children? He plucked a man out of a country that literally does not have a single church in it and brought him all the way over here so that He could save him. Wow.

Suffice to say, this man has an incredible story. I can't share specifics, but I can tell you that our God is moving in mighty, mighty ways and He is pulling out all the stops to reach His children.

This session really exemplifies why I believe that everyone should make an effort to attend this conference next year. You may not feel called to missions, but all of us are called to go spread the Gospel in some way, shape or form. If you're not being led to serve as a missionary, go anyway and find out what organizations you can support and pray for. We have brothers and sisters all over the world who are literally putting their lives on the line to make sure Jesus' name is proclaimed to all nations. We have to be aware of what's going on out there and find our place in God's plan for reaching the world.

The things I saw and heard and experienced that weekend have changed my perspective and my life...how can I know about what's going on with the persecuted church and all of the people that have yet to be reached and not be transformed?

"Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age."
~Matthew 28:19-20

Mission Connexion Northwest - Part 3

2010-01-20T16:21:00.000-08:00

And so we continue. :o)

After the first workshop about spiritual warfare, Katie and I parted ways for the second workshop. While she attended a workshop about missions fundraising, I went to one about woman to woman mentoring.

Ele Parrott led this workshop and I will be completely honest and say that as excited as I was to take this workshop, as soon as I saw Ele, I was bummed. I had expected a younger woman, bubbly and full of energy. What I saw was a kindly, older woman who greeted me with a smile and a handshake.

Please don't ask why I assumed what I did. I don't even know. And I'm horribly embarrassed.

So as my excitement dwindled and my level of skepticism rose, I sat in my chair and waited for the workshop to start. Women started filtering in and chatting with each other. As it got to be time to start, Ele kind of reined everyone in and asked to open in prayer. Once again, my embarrassingly naive attitude crept up on me and I braced myself for a formal 'old lady' prayer. I'm laughing at myself as I'm writing this. I'm also cringing...Oh Jesus, will I never learn?!

As soon as that woman opened her mouth to pray I felt some Holy Spirit conviction come down on me...whew! Ele has got more fire than women half her age and it's a fire born of tough life experience and years of walking intimately with her Lord. I was immediately transported by her vivacious spirit and praise the Lord, open to her message.

Before I get too far into what I learned at this workshop, I want to preface why I wanted to take it at all. A title like 'woman to woman mentoring' doesn't exactly inspire a ton of excitement does it? Au contraire...as soon as I found this one on the list I knew that I wanted to take it.

I spent many years really disliking women...I didn't trust them, I thought they were all backstabbers and lying gossipers (mostly because that's how I was once upon a time - talk about projecting one's own shortcomings onto the rest of the world!). The Lord really got a hold of me several years ago and showed me just how valuable my relationships with other women are.

He has definitely instilled in me a deep desire to help encourage women in their relationships. The heart of a woman can be complex at times, but the beauty in it is incomparable and to see that beauty reconciled to the Lord and to other women is so powerful. The strength a woman has when she is vulnerable with the other women around her is unreal.

So I wanted to attend this workshop because now that I recognize this passion to help mentor and encourage women, I needed a little direction. Ele provided some of that much needed direction.

Basically she laid out what spiritual mentoring is and what it isn't. Pretty basic!

Mentoring starts with grace. John 1:14 says that Jesus is full of grace and truth. Ele pointed out how important the word order is here. People need truth, but the truth can be brutal. Grace needs to be given before the truth.

She stressed how important it is to BE in someone's life, not just speak into it. In order to be in someone's life, I have to be certain things in my own life first.

1. I need to be a woman of the Word of God
-not a woman about the Word, but of it
-detox from all of the Christian help books and rely completely on the Bible
-I need to allow the Spirit to instruct me and interpret Scripture for me
-"As for you, the anointing you received from him remains in you, and you do not need anyone to teach you. But as his anointing teaches you about all things and as that anointing is real, not counterfeit—just as it has taught you, remain in him." ~1 John 2:27

2. I need to be a woman of faith
-"And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him." ~Hebrews 11:6
-I need to step out onto the invisible, not the non-existent

3. I need to be a woman of prayer
-"Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective." ~James 5:16

Authentic spiritual mentoring is coming alongside of another, partnering with who the Holy Spirit is being in their life, infusing truth into their reality in an appropriate and timely manner.

Spiritual mentoring is not:

1. Trying to fix someone - people are not projects and we don't have the power to change anyone.

2. Telling our story - it isn't about me, it's about them.

3. Imparting our wisdom.

4. Finding our significance or importance in mentoring.
-We are only here to prepare the way for Christ, making them independently dependent on Jesus. As the relationship progresses, I will decrease.

Her final word of advice was to know who to mentor. Look for the listeners and the ones who want to grow. The best relationships form when a woman seeks out a mentor because she is ready to be transformed.

I don't think there's anything I can add to this, pretty self-explanatory. I am really looking forward to taking this lesson and applying it to my own life. Definitely feeling more equipped.

Until the next post... :o)

Mission Connexion Northwest - Part 2

2010-01-19T17:24:00.000-08:00

And so it continues. :o)

Saturday dawned neither bright nor early, but that was okay. Katie and I went out for a late dinner after the speaker the previous night so we took the opportunity to get a full 8 hours of sleep and a good breakfast before heading back out to the church.

We both had a full schedule of workshops and of course the keynote speakers throughout the day.

Katie and I did the first workshop together (astounding considering there was something like 70 workshops available that weekend and we could only choose 4). It was about spiritual warfare and it was AMAZING. I think that from time to time we need to refresh ourselves on how our enemy spends his time and the ways we equip ourselves to not only defend, but defeat.

The workshop was run by Kerry Kenyon who is a pastoral care team leader for the women's division of the Portland Rescue Mission. She was pretty fabulous...very spunky.

I won't recap the entire workshop, but the main points are awesome. She spent some time talking about how Satan operates through distraction before deception (ref. Genesis 3:1-3). She then discussed how Jesus' time of temptation in the desert is the perfect example of how we should handle spiritual attack, that the Spirit led Jesus into the desert to be tempted in order that we would always know exactly what to do.

"Then Jesus was led by the Spirit into the desert to be tempted by the devil. After fasting forty days and forty nights, he was hungry. The tempter came to him and said, "If you are the Son of God, tell these stones to become bread."

Jesus answered, "It is written: 'Man does not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.'"

Then the devil took him to the holy city and had him stand on the highest point of the temple. "If you are the Son of God," he said, "throw yourself down. For it is written:
" 'He will command his angels concerning you,
and they will lift you up in their hands,
so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.'"

Jesus answered him, "It is also written: 'Do not put the Lord your God to the test.'"

Again, the devil took him to a very high mountain and showed him all the kingdoms of the world and their splendor. "All this I will give you," he said, "if you will bow down and worship me."

Jesus said to him, "Away from me, Satan! For it is written: 'Worship the Lord your God, and serve him only.'"

Then the devil left him, and angels came and attended him." ~Matt. 4:1-11

After reading this passage of Scripture, Kerry listed 5 things that Jesus did that show us just what we need to do to successfully withstand spiritual attack:

1. Be intentional about spending time alone with God.
-Listening, not just talking
-It's going to cost something - you will lose time you were used to having, you may have to re-prioritize, but it is essential.

2. We need the Spirit to identify the weapons and lies being used against us.
-I must be in the Word - I can't know the lies if I don't know the truth.
-"Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes." ~Eph. 6:11

3. Rebuke the lies, fear and shame with the truth.

4. Ask the Holy Spirit to show you the truth.
-"For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. Nothing in all creation is hidden from God's sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account." ~Hebrews 4:12-13
-"In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express." ~Romans 8:26

5. Replace the lies, fear and shame with the truth of God.
-Accountability - have your partner pray truth over you.
-"Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective." ~James 5:16

Overall, I was very pleased with this workshop. Kerry's passion and strength were absolutely inspiring.

And that's it for tonight - I'll have more from the conference tomorrow!

Mission Connexion Northwest - Part 1

2010-01-19T16:14:00.000-08:00

Katie and I went to Mission Connexion Northwest this past weekend at Crossroads Community Church. It was pretty much the most amazing thing I've experienced and I will say boldly that EVERYONE should go next year. Yes. Every single person. I know that personally, I wasn't aware of even a quarter of the stuff going on for the kingdom throughout the world right now. God is moving in HUGE ways my friends! I'm getting chills just thinking about it.

The first day of the conference there was one workshop (we didn't make it for that) and then a speaker in the evening. The speaker was Dr. Joseph d'Souza who is the president of the Dalit Freedom Network. Now, Katie had a heard a little about the Dalit people prior to this conference, but it was all new to me.

India's caste system is comprised of 4 levels ranging from the upper caste all the way to the Dalits, or the untouchables. In Hindu belief, the upper, lower and middle caste were each created from a part of God's body, but the Dalits were such horrible sinners in a past life that God deemed them impure and denied them access to Him. Even the shadow of a Dalit passing over someone from a higher caste will make them impure. Dalits will literally lie down in the mud when an upper caste person walks by to avoid casting their shadow over them.

I remember hearing this at the conference and feeling so sick to my stomach. How wrong is that? I challenge anyone who just read that to tell me that all religions lead to the same God. I do not worship a God who denies His beloved children access to Him. My God stepped down from His throne and DIED so that I could be with Him. I didn't deserve it, but God said I was worth it.

Dr. d'Souza went on to talk about how the Gospel has impacted the Dalit people. So often, we think that spreading the gospel means sharing with someone how their sin has separated them from God and that Jesus died to reconcile us to Him.

The Dalit people know they are sinners separated from God - it's all they know! But when they are told they are made in the image of God...whoa. This people who has been made to believe that they weren't even worthy to be made from the soles of the feet of God. Made in the very image of God? The transforming power of knowing who they truly are and who God really is...it's beautiful.

And that was just the first night of the conference!

This may have to be a multi-post report... :P

"So God created humankind in his image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them" ~Genesis 1:27

"For God so loved the world that he gave his only son, so that everyone who believes in him may not perish but may have eternal life. Indeed, God did not send the Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him." ~John 3:16-17

Perspective Adjustment

2010-01-05T21:52:00.000-08:00

I need to tweak my attitude a little bit! I was convicted tonight over the fact that lately I've been living in the 'what-ifs,' 'maybes,' and 'somedays.'

When did I lose my contentment in where God has me now? When did I stop enjoying the journey? Savoring the lessons and joys of today?

"Delight yourself in the LORD and He will give you the desires of your heart." ~Psalm 37:4

How can I delight in Him if I'm too busy looking ahead of what's in front of me, trying to carve out my own future? Trusting God means believing the He holds my future, whatever that may be, and knowing that what transpires then will be the best for me.

"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen." ~Ephesians 3:20-21

I continue to spend my time dreaming up a future that is as finite as my human mind...that's lame.

Jesus, it's all You. And right now, I'm going to place my hope in Your promises and trust that no matter what comes, it will be for Your glory alone.

Oh, to know this man

2009-12-23T19:18:00.000-08:00

Oh Jesus, I long simply to be with You. Help me to fight distraction. I want to pour all of my energy into seeking and knowing You. It can be hard to see in the here and now, but it is far better for me to risk everything to be in Your presence than to sustain comfort and view you from a distance. To rest in You, oh Lord...show me the depth of Your love.

"But as for me, it is good to be near God.
I have made the Sovereign LORD my refuge;
I will tell of all your deeds."
~Psalm 73:28

"One thing, one thing
This is what I desire, this is what I desire
Sweet illumination, sweet illumination
That I may gaze upon His face
Oh, to know this man

Sweet illumination, sweet illumination
To glory in the presence of the King
Behold the sweet essence of this one thing
That I may know the Spring within me
The Spring, so sweet

That I may gaze upon His face
Oh, to know this man

Sweet illumination, sweet illumination
To glory in the presence of the King
Behold the sweet essence of this one thing
That I may know the Spring within me
As it rises the Spring, so sweet"

~Sweet Illumination, Shane and Shane

A Thought

2009-11-24T00:08:00.000-08:00

Sometimes it takes me awhile to connect the dots. Ah well, I'm just glad when I actually do. :P

I was listening to this song today...repeatedly. I love how it sounds (what can I say, I'm a sucker for male duets...something about the blending of the two voices just gives me shivers), but the third or fourth time through I really began listening to the words.

As I thought about what it means to know that God has got my heart in His hands, I remember thinking to myself, 'What's the worst that can happen when God's holding me?'

And then I realized that when I live life in sync with Jesus there is no 'worst.' There might be difficult times, pain, suffering, but how bad is it really when 'the hands that hold the world are holding your heart'?

Anything I'm going through now is temporary, and as Paul said, nothing compared to the glory that awaits on the other side. In fact, if going through this life is what I have to do to reach Jesus at the end, it's definitely worth it.

It's nice to know that there isn't a 'worst.' :o)

"To the one who's dreams are falling all apart
And all you're left with is a tired and broken heart
I can tell by your eyes you think your on your own
but you're not all alone

Have you heard of the One who can calm the raging seas
Give sight to the blind, pull the lame up to their feet
With a love so strong He'll never let you go
No you're not alone

You will be safe in His arms
You will be safe in His arms
'Cause the hands that hold the world are holding your heart
This is the promise He made
He will be with You always
When everything is falling apart
You will be safe in His arms

Did you know that the voice that brings the dead to life
Is the very same voice that calls you to rise
So hear Him now He's calling you home
You will never be alone

You will be safe in His arms
You will be safe in His arms
'Cause the hands that hold the world are holding your heart
This is the promise He made
He will be with You always
When everything is falling apart
You will be safe in His arms

These are the hands that built the mountains
the hands that calm the seas
These are the arms that hold the heavens
they are holding you and me

These are hands that healed the leper
Pulled the lame up to their feet
These are the arms that were nailed to a cross
to break our chains and set us free

You will be safe in His arms
You will be safe in His arms
'Cause the hands that hold the world are holding your heart
This is the promise He made
He will be with You always
When everything is falling apart
You will be safe in His arms"

~Safe by Phil Wickham feat. Bart Millard

Of David Crowder and God's Love

2009-11-15T20:55:00.000-08:00

So...I've been on a bit of a David Crowder kick lately. It's refreshing to come back to music I haven't listened to in awhile. :o)

This week I have been so burdened with the enormous weight of how many people do not know the Lord. I notice that when I'm the most stressed/busy/overwhelmed/etc. I have a stronger sensitivity to those people out there that are just as stressed/busy/overwhelmed/etc. who don't have the Lord to lift them up and carry them through.

It's also when I feel that urging from the Spirit that I want my light to shine brightest. Complainers are a dime a dozen, but isn't it always the people who handle the difficult times with integrity, calmness and hope that we remember most?

Oh Jesus, I want to be set apart for Your glory. Show me how I can best affect those around me. There are millions of people who desperately need Your saving grace, hope, joy, and peace. God, help me to demonstrate to others what true Life is. I don't want to look like the world...I want to look like You.

"Are we left here on our own?
Can you feel when your last breath is gone?
Night is weighing heavy now
Be quiet and wait for a voice that will say

Come awake, from sleep arise
You were dead, become alive
Wake up, wake up, open your eyes
Climb from your grave into the light
Bring us back to life
You are not the only one who feels like the only one

Night soon will be lifted, friend
Just be quiet and wait for a voice that will say
Rise, rise, to life, to life

Shine
Light will shine
Love will rise
Light will shine, shine, shine, shine
He’s shining on us now"

~Come Awake by the David Crowder Band

Come and Listen

2009-11-03T13:08:00.000-08:00

"Come and listen, come to the water's edge, all you who know and fear the Lord.
Come and listen, come to the water's edge all you who are thirsty, come.

Let me tell you what He has done for me.
Let me tell you what He has done for me,
He has done for you,
He has done for us.

Come and listen,
come and listen to what He's done.
Come and listen,
come and listen to what He's done.

Praise our God for He is good.
Praise our God for He is good.
Praise our God for He is good.
Praise our God for He is good.

He has done for me,
He has done for you,
He has done for us.

Come and listen,
come and listen to what He's done.
Come and listen,
come and listen to what He's done."

~Come and Listen by the David Crowder Band

Oh Jesus...all You have done for me. Even if all you ever did was save me for eternity, it would be far more than enough. How good You are to be involved in my day to day life, with the seemingly mundane. I have nothing but humble praise to offer and yet, that is all you ask of me. Awestruck.

Too much on my plate...a brain barf cometh

2009-08-10T23:53:00.000-07:00

Tonight I have been especially overwhelmed in my brain. There is so much in there and I don't know what to do with it. Well, I do know what to do with it, but conveniently enough, I almost always forget to do it.

I can get so caught up in just thinking sometimes (without ever working out a solution, mind you) that I fail to remember that Someone else knows what's floating around up there as well. And He's more than happy to collect it and help me sort it if I ever decide to let it out.

I am continually amazed at how simple it is to work at knowing God and even more amazed at my reluctance to do it. Am I worried that I won't like His solution to my myriad issues? And does that stem from me not trusting Him to have what's best for me in mind? Probably.

This particular entry really doesn't have a direction to go in...but I was tired of keeping some of my thoughts stuffed in my head. That said, here is a short list of things that have been crowding out my brain cells:

1) I've been spending a lot of time thinking about my life and what I have done with it so far. 8 years ago this month my Grandpa Smith and a guy I went to school with passed away within about 2 weeks of each other. It's an interesting pairing because both deaths cause me to reflect on my life in different ways.

Although I believe Grandpa was taken too soon for me, he lived a full life and loved the Lord with all of his heart. I think about him and what an example he was to me of strong faith. His life inspires me to seek God out in all things and to let Him rule my decisions.

And then I think about Dave and how he was taken from this earth way too soon. And it causes me to think about all the years I have been blessed with since then. In the 8 years that I've had to live that he has not, what have I done? There are many wasted years in there, but I pray that God would use his death to remind me that every day is precious. That every life is precious. That every moment that passes is one that I will never have again. Will I use these moments for God's glory or my own?

2) On a much lighter note, I've been so in awe of worship music lately. Worship music is my favorite style anyway, but a couple of weeks ago I was listening to the radio and I was just overwhelmed by the thought of how much music there is out there that brings glory to God. People have been writing songs about God's greatness, love, mercy, and grace for thousands of years. And we still manage to come up with new songs all the time!

How great is our God that people all over the world, spanning thousands of miles and years, are continually blessed with fresh revelations and inspiration that can only be shared through the gift of music? I may not like all the styles, but that music is an expression of soul-deep change! That music is born of inspiration only given by the Holy Spirit - how cool is that?!

And lastly, on an abrupt note, my head and heart feel much lighter so I thank you for indulging my brain barf (gross, but an appropriate analogy I'm afraid).

Until next time...whenever that may be... :P

Whoops

2009-06-01T18:19:00.000-07:00

So this one time I said I'd have more time to write after Easter was over. My bad. :P

Update: I'm CRAZY busy all the time.

And I think I'm going to make chicken quesadillas for dinner tonight.

Intermission

2009-04-07T22:25:00.000-07:00

Sorry it's been awhile...I'm crazy busy right now! Between my regular work schedule and church commitments, I've had spring break with the teens (AWESOMESAUCE) and am moving full speed ahead to Easter (He is risen indeed!). After this weekend my schedule will pretty much come to a dead stop and I can start rambling again in my typically unfocused manner.

Until then...enjoy the intermission. :o)

St. Patrick's Breastplate Prayer

2009-03-17T10:33:00.000-07:00

I arise today
Through a mighty strength, the invocation of the Trinity,
Through the belief in the threeness,
Through the confession of the oneness
Of the Creator of Creation.

I arise today
Through the strength of Christ's birth with his baptism,
Through the strength of his crucifixion with his burial,
Through the strength of his resurrection with his ascension,
Through the strength of his descent for the Judgment Day.

I arise today
Through the strength of the love of Cherubim,
In obedience of angels,
In the service of archangels,
In hope of resurrection to meet with reward,
In prayers of patriarchs,
In predictions of prophets,
In preaching of apostles,
In faith of confessors,
In innocence of holy virgins,
In deeds of righteous men.

I arise today
Through the strength of heaven:
Light of sun,
Radiance of moon,
Splendor of fire,
Speed of lightning,
Swiftness of wind,
Depth of sea,
Stability of earth,
Firmness of rock.

I arise today
Through God's strength to pilot me:
God's might to uphold me,
God's wisdom to guide me,
God's eye to look before me,
God's ear to hear me,
God's word to speak for me,
God's hand to guard me,
God's way to lie before me,
God's shield to protect me,
God's host to save me
From snares of demons,
From temptations of vices,
From everyone who shall wish me ill,
Afar and anear,
Alone and in multitude.

I summon today all these powers between me and those evils,
Against every cruel merciless power that may oppose my body and soul,
Against incantations of false prophets,
Against black laws of pagandom
Against false laws of heretics,
Against craft of idolatry,
Against spells of witches and smiths and wizards,
Against every knowledge that corrupts man's body and soul.

Christ to shield me today
Against poison, against burning,
Against drowning, against wounding,
So that there may come to me abundance of reward.
Christ with me, Christ before me, Christ behind me,
Christ in me, Christ beneath me, Christ above me,
Christ on my right, Christ on my left,
Christ when I lie down, Christ when I sit down, Christ when I arise,
Christ in the heart of every man who thinks of me,
Christ in the mouth of everyone who speaks of me,
Christ in every eye that sees me,
Christ in every ear that hears me.

I arise today
Through a mighty strength, the invocation of the Trinity,
Through belief in the threeness,
Through confession of the oneness,
Of the Creator of Creation.

My Deliverer

2009-03-16T15:31:00.000-07:00

"The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer;
my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge.
He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold."
~Psalm 18:2

I will wait for You to move
For Your mighty hand to save
When the troubled waters rise
You are my hiding place
You are my hiding place

You walls are salvation
Your gates are praise

My Deliverer
My Deliverer
My Deliverer
Is the Lord

Who is like You mighty God
Who can take me from Your hand
As I walk with You in freedom
You're the Rock on which I stand
You're the Rock on which I stand

~ 'My Deliverer' by Chris Tomlin

A little of this, a little of that...

2009-03-02T22:27:00.000-08:00

This is going to be kind of all over the place - no real direction with this post. Just some things I've learned or become aware of or thought about in the past few days. :o)

1. Our theme verse for camp during the summer of 2006 was Hebrews 12:2: 'Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.'

To be completely honest, at camp I was so busy trying to remember the motions we created for the verse that I spent very little time thinking about what the verse meant. After I went home, I didn't really think about the verse anymore, period.

About a week ago, this verse came to my attention. I read it, but I still didn't get anything from it or really understand it. However, the line 'who for the joy set before him endured the cross' stuck in my mind. My brain understood what it was saying, but my heart didn't get it. My head said, 'He was able to endure death because He knew He would defeat it and through that, save the world.' But my heart just didn't understand the concept.

I don't think any of us will truly understand Jesus' willingness to sacrifice everything on our behalf, but this past week God really opened up my heart to what it means to lay something aside for the sake of joy. For the sake of something better.

This is a terrible comparison, but He really used to it to speak to me. This past Wednesday was Ash Wednesday, the first day of Lent. I spent some time thinking and praying about what I needed to give up this year, but I just couldn't hone in on anything. But a couple of weeks ago I was really convicted over how much I complain about things and I knew that that was what I was going to work on this year during Lent.

So far it has been going pretty good. I have caught myself starting to complain a few times and at first, I just shut my mouth and quit talking. Then I started steering the conversation in a different direction. Now I've moved towards putting a positive spin on whatever I was going to complain about. Doing this has blessed me so much! Every time (not just most of the time) I've chosen to stay positive in a situation, I have genuinely had a complete change in attitude to where I am grateful for that situation. Knowing myself the way that I do, that is no small feat.

Now, I'm not saying that my giving up complaining (something I shouldn't be doing anyway) is in any way comparable to Christ's sacrifice, but God has used this to help me understand, in a small way, what spurred Him on to complete the task He was sent here to do. I don't know how the Spirit connected the two together so that I would get it, all I know is that He has given me another way to look at Calvary, and that is enough for me.

I remember at my first winter retreat 3 years ago that Fletch told us during communion to ask the Lord to show us the Cross in a new way and with new understanding. I practice this on a regular basis and I love it when He delivers. Sometimes my heart is hardened to what He has to say or I'm just not in the right place to catch a new perspective, but when I'm there and He gives me another glimpse...wow! And that's what He's done for me again this past week - and we're not even 7 days into Lent yet!

Like I said - I don't know how my experience taught me that lesson, but I sure am glad that it did. :o)

2. This past weekend I finished reading 'The Beloved Disciple' by Beth Moore. This book has blessed me so much and I highly recommend that everyone read it.

I have a hard time with Christian non-fiction sometimes. Many, many authors have given me new insight into the faith that I don't think I would have gotten otherwise. But. Many times, for me anyway, I get sucked into what they have to say and forget that they are trying to point me to God. Beth Moore's writing is a breath of fresh air as far as that is concerned. Her passion for Scripture and her desire that everyone come to an intimate relationship with Jesus are contagious! It was so refreshing to read a book that inspired me to dig deeper into the Word. When I would put her book down I would immediately search for my Bible. It's like sitting with a good friend who calls you up because they just learned the most exciting thing in their quiet time that morning and you can't help but rejoice with them and then go off and read it for yourself. :o)

The whole point of my Beth Moore gush fest is that I discovered something about myself towards the end of the book that I feel is very important.

Since the book is about John, Jesus' disciple, Beth goes through each of his books, the last being, of course, the book of Revelation. I will admit it - I get so flippin' excited when it comes to anything having to do with the end of times. I LOVE thinking about when Jesus comes back - it really gets me going. So I'm already excited about this portion of the book, but she's really excited too and so I'm reading and I can hardly sit still in my chair. It's so awesome. :o)

Anyway, she starts in on the wedding supper of the Lamb and I'm about falling over with excitement and anticipation. And right there in the middle of work (because that's the only time I really get to read :P ), I get blessed. I'm overwhelmed with the intense and absolutely huge love that Jesus has for not only me, but for the church. Such a clarity washed over me that all I could really do was go, 'Huh.'

Our salvation is a personal decision, but the bride of Christ is the whole church. I think that often times we have a very narrow view on our growth as followers of Christ (I know I do!). Very intrinsic, being so concerned with where we are on our walk that we don't look at the church around us and observe where we are as a whole. And not just our local church family either. How is the ENTIRE church doing? Are we preparing ourselves properly for the wedding supper? I have never felt such an overwhelming burden for the church as I did this weekend, and it continues today. I encourage all of you to pray hard for the church - for its growth and for its preparation for a day that is soon coming.

3. And last! I wasn't really expecting to write this much, but that's okay. :o)

Kind of going along with my last bit, I have also felt a very heavy burden for the lost this week. At the end of choir practice on Sunday we spent some time in prayer over the production and the message we are presenting. We also prayed for those who are coming to see the show, that the Lord would work in their hearts.

During our prayer time a line from one of the songs in the show kept running through my head (well, it's also in Scripture too :P ).

'One day every knee shall bow, one day every tongue confess that Jesus is Lord.'

The arrangement of this song that we sing is rather upbeat and, I believe, meant to be joyous. This is my 4th time doing this production and every time I sing this song I get so excited. I get excited thinking about, once again, Jesus coming back and everyone acknowledging his Lordship and sovereignty.

But as we were praying this past Sunday, that line hit me anew and it was incredibly unpleasant. All I could think was that for so many people on that day, they may bow down and they may confess what many of us know to be true, but it will be too late for them.

Wow.

My heart is so heavy with that thought. That a song that is so joyful could be so devastating to anyone who has put off making that eternal decision. I truly do not have words for the sorrow that it brings to the very depths of me. So I also encourage you to pray hard, hard, hard for a lost world. I can't even bear to think of a single person spending eternity in separation from God.

"You are worthy, our Lord and God,
to receive glory and honor and power,
for you created all things,
and by your will they were created
and have their being."

~Revelation 4:11

Senior Year...Good Times

2009-02-10T23:27:00.000-08:00

Fill this out about your Senior Year! The longer ago it was, the more fun the answers will be!! Thought you all who knew me back then might get a laugh out of some memories! Share yours and tag your friends.

1. Did you date someone from your school? Nope - I was a singleton all year - woooo!

2. Did you marry someone from your high school? No...odds are I probably won't either. :P

3. Did you car pool to school? Nopers

4. What kind of car did you have? No car :o(

5. What kind of car do you have now? Chevy Lumina - yay!

6. It's Friday night...your senior year where are you? Probably at a rehearsal for something and if it wasn't that, it was a performance of something.

7. It is Friday night 2009...where are you? Work until mid-evening and then usually hanging out at a friend's place. :o)

8. What kind of job did you have in high school? Eesh...no time for a job! NHS, show choir, play production company, youth group...the list goes on. :P

9. What kind of job do you do now? Front desk at a hotel

10. Were you a party animal? Definitely not - uber goody-goody here.

11. Were you considered a flirt? Hmmm...I think I flirted a lot, but I don't think I was considered a flirt. If that made sense. :P

12. Were you in band, orchestra, or choir? Show choir - woooooooooooooo! <3

13. Were you a nerd? About some things, yes.

14. Did you get suspended or expelled? No way

15. Can you sing the fight song? Most of it, I think...Stand up and cheer! Stand up and cheer for Fenton High for today we raise the orange and black above the sky (two, three, four!). Our boys are fighting something-something win the fray...and I don't remember the rest. :P

16. Who was/were your favorite teacher(s)? I think I liked all of my teachers senior year...yeah...I can't think of one that I didn't like. :o)

17. Where did you sit during lunch? Depended on the day - yay block scheduling. :P

18. What was your school's full name? Fenton High School

19. When did you graduate? 2003

20.What was your school mascot? Tigers!

21. If you could go back and do it again, would you? Hmmm...parts of it maybe...but it went pretty good the first time around. :o)

22. Did you have fun at Prom? I did! I had more fun at junior prom, but senior prom was still good. :o)

23. Do you still talk to the person you went to Prom with? I haven't talked to him in a couple of years which is sad because he's a pretty cool guy.

24. Are you planning on going to your next reunion? Sure? 4 years until the 10 year. :P

25. Do you still talk to people from school? There are one or two that I still keep in contact with. :o)

When Ignorance Isn't Bliss

2009-02-09T14:07:00.000-08:00

It's time to get cracking on this golf tournament fundraiser for Rwanda and let's just say that Becky didn't know what she was getting herself into!

I had no idea that there were so many details! Okay, so I probably should have assumed there were a lot of details. Gah.

It's fun working on it, but whoa.

So if nobody sees me until August, you'll know why. :P

Healing

2009-02-04T22:56:00.000-08:00

Why since you’ve wounded my heart
Don’t You heal it?
Why don’t You heal?
And why since you’ve stolen my heart,
Do you leave it so?
Oh this heart of stone.

Why don’t you carry away my heart
You have stolen and left here broken
Why don’t you carry away my heart
Already taken

Awaken the dawning of a new heart
Where stone begins to bleed
For the arrow of God that runs through me
Leaves me in need
Here in need

Awaken

How long? How long? How long?

"Wounded" by Shane and Shane

My dear friend Katie has loaned me a Beth Moore book called "The Beloved Disciple." It is about John and how we can read through his story how much Christ loves us, that we are His beloved.

I just finished part one of the book. The first part ends by talking about healing and how God's word brings healing about. As I read the last sentence of part one, even though I am loving this book, I was prompted to just sit for a moment. A thought was forming and I needed to let it develop. So I sat for a bit, the word 'healing' bouncing around in my head.

So often, we view healing as this immensely personal and private thing that ought to only be shared once we've been thoroughly fixed. I definitely believe that parts of our healing are meant to be shared between ourselves and God alone, but I think that often we hesitate in sharing our story because we haven't 'arrived' yet.

In my own life lately, the Spirit has really been impressing on me the importance of living every area of my life as an outward expression of the grace and love that Christ has shown me. Anything that I am and have that is good is only because of the goodness of my God. It is not my own so I shouldn't keep it for myself. As I thought about this in the context of healing I realized that the process is as much a blessing as the end result, especially if I'm living outwardly.

Experiencing healing from a deep hurt in my life is not simply for my own benefit. Healing is a result of pro actively following my Savior on a daily basis. I don't say, "Lord, heal me!" and suddenly my life is peachy. I say, "Lord, heal me!" and He says, "Look to me, child, and I will show you what Love really is." Healing is replacing what we were taught love is with love Himself.

When I think of doctors and that they use things to heal people, I am even more amazed at God's work in my own life. I am astounded by medicine today and just how much we know about the human body, but everything we know is a temporary fix administered by a third party. But there are wounds in our lives that go far beyond the physical and touch us in deeper and more profound ways. When those wounds need healing God says, "Let me apply Myself. The only thing that will ease this pain is...Me." God doesn't give us a prescription - He gives us Himself. If we think going to church on a regular basis, attending four Bible studies and volunteering at a rescue mission every Saturday will bring fulfillment and healing, we've got another think coming. The truth is, apart from Jesus being at the center of our restoration, all of those other things are distractions.

So what does this have to do with living outwardly and inviting others to join our healing process? Remember how I said all the good things in my life are from God? This also goes for the healing that has taken place in my life. When God reveals another glimpse of Himself to me and another part of my heart is restored, I am being transformed bit by bit into the likeness of my Healer. When I choose to close people off to my hurt and consequential healing, I am closing them off to a unique experience with the Lord that they may only ever have if I share my story. How blessed are we to have a God that manifests in myriad ways so that people from all walks of life may know Him.

I encourage all of you to be willing to bleed a little for others - you'll find that even that will become a part of your healing. :o)

Here are a few verses that I turn to when I'm struggling:

20 Although the Lord gives you the bread of adversity and the water of affliction, your teachers will be hidden no more; with your own eyes you will see them. 21 Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, "This is the way; walk in it."

~Isaiah 30:20-21

1 "Come, let us return to the LORD.
He has torn us to pieces
but he will heal us;
he has injured us
but he will bind up our wounds.

2 After two days he will revive us;
on the third day he will restore us,
that we may live in his presence.

3 Let us acknowledge the LORD;
let us press on to acknowledge him.
As surely as the sun rises,
he will appear;
he will come to us like the winter rains,
like the spring rains that water the earth."

~Hosea 6:1-3

19 I remember my affliction and my wandering,
the bitterness and the gall.

20 I well remember them,
and my soul is downcast within me.

21 Yet this I call to mind
and therefore I have hope:

22 Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.

23 They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.

24 I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion;
therefore I will wait for him."

25 The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him,
to the one who seeks him;

~Lamentations 3:19-25

When I think about the Lord
How He saved me, how he raised me
How He filled me with the Holy Ghost
How He healed me to the uttermost

When I think about the Lord
How He picked me up and turned me around
How He set my feet, on solid ground

It makes me wanna shout;
"Hallelujah, thank you Jesus,
Lord you're worthy of all the glory
and all the honor, and all the praise!"

"Healed" by Shane and Shane

Relinquishing Control

2009-01-28T00:21:00.000-08:00

Take my life from me. What can I do apart from You? Oh God, take my life...take my hopes, my dreams, my desires, my fears, my doubts...take it all and use it for Your glory.

"Use me, break me, waste me on You, Lord
Ruin me, take me, waste me on You
For to die is to live...

To starve is to feast
And less of me is more of Jesus
Lord, I want it all
Lord, I want it all
If I lose my life
I gain everything
And at the cross
Away with all death's sting
Lord, I want it all
Lord, I want it all

There is power in the blood
There is victory in Jesus
Come in power, wash me clean
Overwhelm me with Your presence
There is power in the blood
There is victory in Jesus
Help me glory in the cross
Help me find my gain in loss"

~ "I Want it All" by Shane and Shane

Anybody have some closet space?

2009-01-21T21:24:00.001-08:00

Katie, I think it's time we put our words into action and find ourselves a cozy closet to live in so we can see the world.

If we found a nice walk-in closet we could share it and split the rent!

Just because...

2009-01-15T22:33:00.000-08:00

I'm in a posting mood, but I don't really have anything to say.

Hello. :o)

My Cup Runneth Over

2009-01-12T16:39:00.000-08:00

You guide me through the dark
You calm my fearful heart
I will rest in You
You give me perfect peace
You fill my deepest need
I will rest in You

God, shining like the sun
Let Your kingdom come
I want to be with You in Your presence
I'm here to give You praise
You take my breath away
And now I'm here with You in Your presence

Your kindness draws me in
Now I'm with You once again
I will rest in You
Oh God who reigns on high
To You alone I cry
I will rest in You

You are shining, You are shining
Your light surrounds me, Your light has found me

~ "Shining" by Phil Wickham

There are no words

2009-01-09T20:39:00.000-08:00

I have been needing to bring my blog into 2009 and I was hoping that after winter retreat with the teens I'd have the perfect opportunity, seeing as such trips are chock full of spiritually enlightening moments.

Alas.

AMAZING things happened at White Pass this year, many of which took place in my own heart, but I cannot seem to find a way to describe it. And maybe I'm not supposed to be able to, but oh how I wish I could!

All I know is that the Lord Jesus Christ has gripped my life with an unrelenting strength and for the first time ever, I'm not fighting it. Something happened and now I can wholly surrender myself to His care and guidance, where before I was unbalanced with my dedication. It's almost like a switch was flipped while I was away. God bopped me a good one on the side of the head and said, "Duh!"

I can't put my finger on that one, "Aha!" moment, but I'm glad that it happened. It's quite a relief to just give oneself over entirely to the Savior. Much better than picking and choosing which things to bring to the table. And now I have nothing but joy. I feel like I've reached that point in my faith where, yes, I still need the sacrifice of Christ to redeem me of the sins I have committed and the sins that will inevitably meet me along life's path, but I can move into the realm of abiding in Christ. To finally accept the Gift in its fullness and begin living outwardly. I'm done dwelling on my shortcomings and am ready to move on to that which Christ has called me - a life of serving and ministering to others in every area of my life. To live out what has been done for me so that others might live with clarity as well.

I think, for me, there are two key things that happened on the trip that triggered this moment of understanding and acceptance.

The first was on the first night of the retreat. Pastor Scott asked what we were willing to leave behind, to turn away from, in order to pursue God. Now, this is something that I've been hearing from God over the past few months. He's been prodding me about what I need to give up in order to seek Him out. What are those things that distract me from Him? What is getting in the way of truly finding God and hearing out His will? It seemed that at retreat there was such a finality in that message. As if what had started out as a good suggestion from a friend was now transforming into a command from a loving Master. The time to choose had now come. I am happy to say that since coming home I've been proactive about weeding out the distractions from my life. I have a long way to go, definitely, but I'll get there.

The second thing to happen that has really instigated this change in my life happened on the last night of the retreat.

I need to preface this with something I find almost amusing considering my life experience. Between all the youth groups, Bible studies and churches I've belonged to and all of the worship services and prayer stations I've been to in my life, I have never knelt down before a cross to pray.

That said, we had prayer stations set up for the last night's service and I was outside in the snow (seriously...so beautiful) to help with the flow of traffic down to the cross that was set up and to be available for prayer. I knew that at some point I wanted to go down to the cross and pray for a bit, but I was content with waiting.

As the evening went on and people came in and out I still didn't feel a need to head down yet. Koby and I spent a little time talking about how we were past the point of crying during things like this and that we were simply too happy to have tears. I'm pretty sure he mentioned "What About Bob."

As the crowd thinned and less and less people were coming out, I felt like it was time. I made my way down the silent path and waited at the end for someone else who was in prayer. I turned around and simply took in the sight around me. Quiet as can be, all sounds muffled by the thick blanket of snow on the ground, a clear sky, void of stars, and tall pine trees poking high into the night. Beautiful, glorious, magnificent...there are many words that people use to try and convey the majesty of a sight like that...but they all fall short. To simply be in creation...to simply melt into all that God has created...there are no words for it. It was refreshing.

As I took my place in front of the cross, it came into my mind then that I had never knelt in front of one before. I gazed at the cross for a moment, illuminated by glow sticks (quite the sight, let me tell you), and it just washed over me. A thousand emotions and thoughts. How terrifically unworthy I am of what Christ did, but how helpless I am to deny such a love. I really think that is what changed me so thoroughly. I had always had this niggling thought in the back of my head - I don't deserve what He did so I can't really accept it. But it just hit me that night that I can't change what has already been done. No amount of self-pity, self-loathing or whatever, will change the fact that it is done. It's completed...it's finished...and the only thing left for me to do is accept it. For myself.

This is how it feels to be free. :o)

Snowed In!

2008-12-24T01:27:00.000-08:00

I just spent the last 3 and a half days at my friend Katie's apartment because of the snow. I am not comfortable driving in snow and it was really bad out after Jason and Dre's wedding on Saturday so I went home with Katie and left my car at the church.

But then the weather kept getting worse and worse so I stayed another night. And then another night after that.

It was great fun, but I began to wish I could get home. Today the roads were clear enough so Katie and I went to get my car from the church. The parking lot was full of snow and my car was covered top to bottom. We couldn't even get into the lot. So Katie took me home, but my car is still there.

My plan is to call my dad and have him get a snow shovel and take me out there so I can dig my car out. I hope that works!

Twilight Revisited

2008-12-07T00:13:00.001-08:00

So...I don't really love Twilight anymore. Nope.

I finished the series tonight.

What a disappointment.

The first two books were great - very entertaining and fast-paced. The second two were...dry. The story didn't change a whole lot and the last book in particular was just very...weird.

I don't think I'll be reading them again. I'll go see the other movies when they come out, but yeah, definitely not reading them again.

Eesh.

Twilight

2008-11-23T19:32:00.001-08:00

*sigh*

I started the series Wednesday night and I'm already into book 3. I resisted for months, but I caved because everyone wanted to go see the movie Friday and I wanted to read the book before seeing it.

The worst part? I LOVE IT. It's so ridiculous, emotional, over-the-top, and fabulous.

And I have a book crush on Edward. That is only the second book crush I've ever had in my life...next to Aragorn.

I'm a nerd. :o)

Heavy

2008-11-11T00:08:00.000-08:00

One of those days when life catches up. When I realize that it's too big for me, but I can't seem to hand it off to the One who can handle it.

Ever have the physical ache of a heavy heart?

Ugh.

The White Tree

2008-11-07T14:33:00.000-08:00

1. Put your iPod on shuffle. (or in my case, iTunes - I don't have an iPod. Yet. :P )
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!
4. Tag 10 friends who might enjoy doing this.
5. Or not, if you're feeling ornery.
6. Which I am.

IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?
You Said (Shane and Shane)
--That would get annoying fast!

WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
Barren Land (Shane and Shane)
--Oh sad!

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Miracle Man (Bow the Knee - Easter musical)
--Uh...hmmm.

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
Revive Me - Psalm 143 (Shane and Shane)
--Yes, I think this works.

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
This is the Day - Psalm 118 (Shane and Shane)
--I think my shuffle function is broken, but this one works.

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Gone (Switchfoot)
--Sad day!

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
I Can Only Imagine (MercyMe)
--Interesting...

WHAT IS 2+2?
Waging War (Shane and Shane)
--Huh

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Acres of Hope (Shane and Shane)
--This is true. :o)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
I Will Not Be Silent (David Crowder Band)
--Actually, I think I will be for the time being. :P

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Let Me Fall (Josh Groban for Cirque du Soleil)
--Hahahahahaha! This is funny and if you wish to know why, ask and I will tell. :P

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
What if His People Prayed (Casting Crowns)
--I think this song definitely speaks to the way that I aspire to live when I 'grow up.' :o)

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
You Raise Me Up (Josh Groban)
--Sweet.

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
May it Be (Enya, from the Fellowship of the Ring soundtrack)
--Interesting

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Crazy Times (Jars of Clay)
--HAHAHAHAHAHA! :o)

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Praise the name of Jesus (Shane and Shane)
--Amen!

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
This Road (Jars of Clay)
--This road and none other! Ha. :P

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
The Return of the King (from the Return of the King soundtrack)
--It's not exactly a secret that He's coming back and it's certainly not one that I'm keeping from anyone! :o)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Be Glorified (Chris Tomlin)
--Hmmmm...

WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
Still Here Waiting (Todd Agnew)
--If only that were the worst thing to happen. :P

HOW WILL YOU DIE?
Saved by Grace (Shane and Shane)
--Amen and amen!

WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
What Did He Die For? (Twila Paris)
--Do I regret the things He died for in my life? You betcha.

WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
Rain Down (Delirious)
--I think rain up would be funnier. :P

WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
Per Te (Josh Groban)
--Not so much. :P

WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
O Praise Him (David Crowder Band)
--Obviously, I'll be singing a song of praise and celebration when I do get married, so the answer must be yes. :P

WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
Gollum's Song (from The Two Towers soundtrack)
--It is a rather strange song.

DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
The Great Adventure (Steven Curtis Chapman)
--Does that mean yes? :P

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
Mercy Reigns (Shane and Shane)
--Heck no! I would never change that. :o)

WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
Fringes (Shane and Shane)
--My fringes hurt? Do I have any fringes?

WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
The White Tree (from The Return of the King soundtrack)
--Cool because it's from Lord of the Rings, but it's far from the coolest piece from the films. :P

Overworked and Overwhelmed

2008-11-07T00:15:00.000-08:00

Whew!

It's been a week of discovering the pace that God has set for me. I've taken on way too many things and I've spread myself so that none of my commitments are getting all that I have to offer.

Praying for wisdom, discernment and a joyful attitude! Lord help me to be. :o)

Busy!

2008-10-26T23:31:00.000-07:00

So I haven't spent much time on this thing in awhile. My last entry doesn't count as a real entry either. :P

I have a busy life. And I'm not really sure anybody reads this anyway. Is this thing on? :o)

An excuse...

2008-10-08T17:08:00.000-07:00

...to post. Katie was tagged by someone, I'm just doing it for the heck of it. And so that my blog looks cool and updated. w00t!

10 years ago.....
1.) I was 13
2.) I was in the 8th grade
3.) I wasn't driving anything...silly driving laws. :P
4.) I didn't work anywhere yet, but I did manage the girls' track team - woohoo!
5.) I moved down the street a couple of blocks.

5 Things on my "to do list" today.....
1.) Begin working on my end-of-the-week aging report at work
2.) Find the bottom of my inbox (I was successful in this venture, I'll have you know!)
3.) Shower
4.) Think up a game for Girl Power on Thursday night that emphasizes communication (may have had some help from Koby on this one - but once again, successful!)
5.) Read a chapter in a book

5 Snacks I enjoy.....
1.) A veritable cornucopia of fruits
2.) Milkshakes (not really a snack food...but I still like them!)
3.) Coffee
4.) Wheat Thins
5.) String cheese

5 Things I would do if I were a millionaire.....
1.) Finish paying off the credit card and the student loan a whole heck of a lot faster than I am now
2.) Buy my sister and her family a nice big house so they can fill it with more babies <3
3.) Buy a new car, for sure
4.) Buy myself a house
5.) Go back to school - heck yes!

5 Places I have lived (to quote Katie: only 5? We'll go with the 5 states I've lived in :P )
1.) Texas
2.) Colorado
3.) Michigan
4.) Florida
5.) Washington

5 Jobs I have had.....
1.) Babysitter
2.) Cashier
3.) Preschool aide for 2 year olds
4.) Camp counselor/kitchen staff/housekeeping/etc./etc./etc.
5.) Lead GSR at the hotel

Revelations

2008-09-29T23:50:00.000-07:00

Do you ever say something and as you're saying it you realize that God is giving you a revelation while you're speaking? That you would never have gotten the point He's trying to make to you if you hadn't said it out loud, even though you didn't know it beforehand?

Yes, I know this sounds weird, therefore I shall explain what I mean through an example of exactly what I'm talking about.

Tonight at Bible study we were talking about a variety of things so I don't really remember how we got onto the topic, but somehow we got to the topic of relationships and how we love God. I said something about how our relationships show us more about God and how to love God in new and different ways.

As far as that goes, I understood that, but God made it real to me tonight and revealed a deeper understanding of His purpose for having relationships with people in the first place. I said something like about how I know how to love God in certain ways because I am a daughter, sister, friend, and mentor, but that there are more ways and deeper ways to love God that I don't even know about yet because there are certain relationships that I don't have yet, such as that of being a wife and a mother and a grandmother. In turn, there are ways that I don't understand about the way God loves me back because I don't have these types of relationships yet.

And the more I talked about it, the more God revealed to me how I need to view these relationships. Not just something for myself, but yet another way to love God and another level that He loves me. I can't even fathom the fullness of His love simply because He is God and I am not, but I don't grasp even a fraction of what I am to understand in this life simply because I'm not there yet.

I can't wait to get married and see the new ways that God is revealed to me through my husband, the deepness of love that I will be able to understand of God when I enter into that covenant. And through realizing that tonight, it's helping me to appreciate that time of waiting that I am in right now. I've been doing pretty good for awhile now, but every once in awhile I begin getting impatient. Realizing that this future relationship is going to define yet another aspect of God's love for me that I will never understand until I enter into it, helps me to rest in what I understand it to be in the here and now. Regardless of the relationships I make and whatever form I understand God's love, He is always faithful to me. All glory to God, my friends, all glory to God. :o)

Exhilaration

2008-09-15T23:42:00.000-07:00

Pastor Larry said on Sunday that God will move mountains to reach His children.

Here's to holding fast to truth and to the faithful promises of the Lord.

Rwanda, here I come.

I think my work place is cursed...

2008-09-10T16:08:00.000-07:00

5 managers in less than 2 years is a tad excessive if you ask me.

That's right...the fifth manager I've worked under since being hired at the hotel starts after next week.

But it's a guy this time. Never had a guy manager at the hotel before. Obviously women weren't working out too well - I guess we'll give him a try. :P

(I'm not being sexist...just observant)

Until next time!

Priorities

2008-09-02T10:51:00.000-07:00

"Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me; and whoever does not take up the cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Those who find their life will lose it, and those who lose their life for my sake will find it."

~Matthew 10: 37-39

Have you ever read a piece of Scripture that was hard to take in during the initial reading of it? But then as you read it again and pray about it, you begin to discern what the passage is really saying and even if it's still hard to swallow, that understanding brings you hope.

Well friends, this passage isn't one of those for me. It's one of those passages that is not only hard to take in at first, but after praying about it, I'm still in the same boat I was before. The passage hasn't somehow revealed something I didn't see before. Rather, the passage is obvious in its meaning and I am the one that has to change.

Scripture is quite clear in this passage that God must be loved more than all other things or we are not worthy of Him. Now, I think this is one of those things we all know, but do we ever take the time to really think about what that means for our everyday life? What does it mean to love God above everyone, including our family?

I'm a relational person (aren't we all?) and I love my friends and family. But as I meditate on this passage of Scripture I'm convicted over how much of myself I dedicate to working out these relationships and how little of myself is leftover for God. Leftover! I should be giving Him myself first, not what's left in the foil from last night's dinner.

I spend so much time trying to keep my relationships alive and in tact. I even pray about the ways that I can be a better friend, sister, daughter, whatever, but even when I'm having my quiet time, God gets the last part of me, if there's any left. It sounds good with 'thank yous' and 'I beseech you Gods' and any number of other phrases that make our prayers sound more relevant and worthy to be brought before our King.

But the whole time I'm missing that still, small voice whispering to me, "Love Me first and with all you have. I have done everything for you - just give me all of you in return and see what I can do with it."

Too often I forget that this life isn't about the relationships I form over the years, but rather the glory I can bring to God. We are relational to bring God glory, not to make sure we ourselves have an easier time of things while we're here. I need to give myself, my love, my devotion completely to God and what a blessing in return if there are some great people alongside me. But even if I stand alone, the Cross is before me and my God, my King, my Savior, my Lover, and my Best Friend is waiting for me with outstretched arms.

Adam made me do it

2008-08-24T23:31:00.001-07:00

Okay he didn't. But he did tell me I should post more on this. :P

I've been a bit busy and don't have time to sit and write, and if any of you have ever read any of my various other blogs you'll know they come few and far between but tend to have some substance to them.

This one is not so much, but a story worthy of retelling even if it is only funny to the parties involved. :o)

So tonight my roommate and I were playing Lord of the Rings Trivial Pursuit (woo hoo!!!). I was probably getting a little too into it (to quote Susan: "you're an over achiever") and just before we finished up our 3rd game (yes, we are that hard core) I got a question I was CERTAIN I knew the answer to.

Susan: How many horns does a balrog have?
Me (before she finished asking the question): Two!!!
Susan (who didn't miss a beat, by the way): No, it's four.
Me: *insert the most horrified and confused look you can imagine*
Susan: *insert huge belly laugh* Just kidding...it's two.

Okay...so apparently I need to lighten up a little bit. ;o)

And for my fellow nerds out there, at least the card didn't say: How many wings does a balrog have? Because we all know what that can of worms looks like. :P

Inspiration is contagious

2008-08-16T23:59:00.000-07:00

So, after both Adam and Katie started one of these I decided to do one too. I like the layout of this blog better than other ones I've had, so I'll test drive this and see how it does. :o)